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the-fiction-witch · 4 years ago

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NSFW 100 Benny Watts

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? I don't know, I don't think about strangers all that often I'm usually busy, I think the worst would just be when I kinda get the thought In my head of, Hu. I'd fuck that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? At night, when the work is done fkr the day, dinners done, and we can go to bed and fuck for a while and go right to sleep after, that's a good evening.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? I think we both know it's when people play with my hair, I don't know why, the come here eyes don't do anything, hinting doesn't do anything, you start playing with my hair I'm literally hard in my pants within seconds.

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? That's a good question. Probably just fantasying about beating my aponent and then taking them back to the hotel room and raw fucking them bent over the table, or likewise them beating me and taking me back to the room and riding on my dick for several hours. Either is good.

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I am my own boss I guess. But if we are saying the people I play against are co workers then yes. Yes I would.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? It depends why I'm horny. If I'm horny for an actual reason then I'll have to go see who it was causing it, but if it's just like a random everyday boner then no I ignore it, people can't see it though my jeans, can they? If they can great the can look at my dick and be jealous.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom? No. I don't masturbate a whole lot and never in public mostly because... Have you seen male public bathrooms? That shit is gross!

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself? Chess. Whenever I do actually masturbate it's usually at night, when I'm alone, my works done and I can't get to sleep so I yeah I mess around a little usually while going over chess games in my head, I don't need to imagine anything when I do it I just do it, the touching on its own gets me horny enough, so my head just does it own thing and I usually just think about chess plays.

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? Well pillows. I think that's it pillows and my hand. Or Beth harmon, I'm kidding Beth's great.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? No I don't. I don't think I ever like had a moment of Hu Im aroused, it just started happening and eventually I noticed to be fair I have been in a constant mood of I wanna fuck things since I was like fourteen. Not sure why? Maybe I'm just really horny and refuse to deal with it?

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? Now that depends because I did it alot in my sleep when I was younger, but the first actual time when I was fully awake and aware what I was doing it was probably Ali, a girl who used to work up at the bar down the street from my apartment, I was having a drink after a championship one or the few times I'd been in there even if the first few times I was underage, and we got talking about this and that and... We went to the bathrooms together, I miss ali, not for the sex but she was always so nice to me. Still I have a better girl now.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? Fucking amazing! And now... Now I have a problem because now I wanna do it all the time.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew? A few times, hotels after championships, airports and the like, I've picked up the odd girl or too I didn't know but it's fine. I think I picked up someone's wife at a competition once?

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? How simple it is. With a quickie both people involved know what this is, we both just wanna fuck and get our release so it's very much a simple understanding, sometimes you have sex with people and they assume that means you give a shit? It doesn't we fucked doesn't mean I like you, it means I was horny, you where horny and now it's over.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done? Airplane sex! That was intense because those bathrooms are not sound proof in the slightest, you have to be dead silent or everyone can hear you fucking your girlfriend.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers? Maybe... when I was a lot younger

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks? Sometimes depends on the stranger, but more often people I know, like people I've had sex with before or you know my girlfriend, but to be fair I'm never not mentally undressing y/n?

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them? Sometimes, again much more likely people I know and alot less now I have y/n, before her yeah pretty much everyone but now I'll strip some people in my head every so often but only imagine y/n.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah, many times, towens is a great kisser, also gives amazing blow jobs.

20. What inspires you to make the first move? Ask them! Literally I do not get all the hinting and the cute eyes and shit just.mm you want to fuck me just ask me to have sex! It's just that simple. Why does it need to be complicated.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed? Making it good for you but also for your partner people forget about that sometimes you not just in it for you they want some too don't be a ick and just get yourself off, you have to make it good for them too, that and consent is important, not just to start the sex but also during, you don't know if she likes spanking, you don't know of she wants like her hair pulled or her boobs felt ext. Ask don't just do it.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself? .... Yes. But it was always in relationships that weren't all that serious, or where fairly open anyway, I cheated on beth do I care? No! Because she fucked harry so I kinda think that's fair? It's only in that kinda situation but if I hadn't I would have my sweet y/n, and I'll never cheat on her.

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush? No.. that just seems weird.

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

I do not have a go to fantasy, except maybe my little kitten snuggling up with me

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Not a lot really, because porn isn't... that great at the moment I do not have time do go to like the weird little theatre's that play them, the best bet really is things like hustler and various magazines you can pick up in newsagents... which I admit I am partial too having a flip though sometimes.

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

No always open

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times yes, But I have found I much rather be handcuffed, I like when y/n handcuffs me to our bed, I like blindfolding her though, maybe handcuffing her too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Sometimes, depends what's said

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex god?

Yeah? How about we go handcuff you to our bed sugar and see how much whispering in your ear you can take before your dripping for me?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Benny, I want you to fuck me Hard! and when we're done don't pull out I want us to fall asleep with you inside me so tomorrow we can fuck again without you ever leaving me, so You can be inside me all night long"

Yeah... that was hot. to be fair I did eat her out and edge her for like half an hour so, I don't blame my kitten for going a little cock crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

Once. Okay if you have sex by a pool you have to accept there might be people in here hotel rooms who overlook the pool who can see you!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

Does three ways count? because for some of that I was watching Beth and Clio have sex so... yes?

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

Depends who it was? Towens and his boyfriend? yes! Beth and Clio? Yes! Beth and Jolene? Yes! Harry and Beth... Eh I'd think about it? But I guess nowadays We'd be the dirty couple asking for a third? won't we kitten?

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"so Perfect I wish I could have you inside me forever"

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Ummm very very fun. Would you like that kitten? a nice hotel room? all our chess friends? and getting everyone to have a nice orgy? Well I'd be happy to it would be fun, but... you know I don't share kitten.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Yes many times

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Uhh maybe a drink, some good sex and then get up in the morning maybe a little spooning, maybe round two if they want to, cup of coffee then fuck off out my house I got shit to do.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Uhh About ten minuets? with y/n well usual a good half hour but sometimes my little kitten's mean to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Hair. Playing with my hair. I don't get why I get hard for it but I do? and... when y/n sticks her tounge out again no clue why just whenever I see her do it it means she being a little brat. Or if she does it unintentionally I can't help looking at it thinking how dirty that tounge of her's has been...

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

No!

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Not woke up humping it. I have been spooning it a lot, and been humping it the previous night but no never woke up humping it

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Ohh god years ago, I don't do that anymore, well I did actually not so long ago but that wasn't me that was my kitten who was too impatient for me to wake up

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

Moaning the wrong name... yeah I did not live that down. I'm sorry towens! you look a lot like harry from the back, you two have similar hair... and similar asses.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Many many times! y/n likes to watch me, but she always strips for me or touches herself too so I've got something nice to watch

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

Y/n sent me some polaroid's of herself in a park, in a sundress and... nothing else, and I mean nothing, Yellow sundress, striped thigh high socks and nothing... no bra, no panties, fuck I'm getting hard just thinking about those pictures.

I think it was then I really did realize, yeah I love this girl, and I'm going to marry her!

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Both are good, they have there draw backs but more likely amateur because I like my kitten.

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

Tounge! Need I repeat my weird like of tounges but... when she's licking and swirling it around fuck! I get loud! and god it makes me cum quick.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Noooo! don't make a me choose!

But I love when my kitten handcuffs me and rides me till she's satisfied!

and I also love bending her over the table and ordering her to cum!

I can't choose! there both soo good...

I guess if I had to. Dominate but only because It's slightly more options of stuff to do and because I like calling her kitten.

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

anything with like piss and shit can fuck right off I don't know how anyone is into that! but anything else in the world my kitten want's she can have it just not that.

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Its kinda something I really really want but also really don't want, I like the idea of it but it would be horrible. I kinda have a fantasy about Y/n, inviting some... friends over, and letting them all... have there fun with me? literally like tie me to the bed, y/n, beth, clio, jolene, really anyone else towen's too if he's down, just everyone can just use me as a literally cock slave and I would be so fucking happy I would let everyone fuck me!

But that would not go well, I can't stay hard that long, and the girls would fight, and... it wouldn't be good.

so other then that... Ummmm I wanna take y/n to central park! in that sundress.. see how long we can last before I bend her over and fuck my little kitten.

52. How many people have you slept with?

I have stopped counting.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

A Plane bathroom? bar bathroom? that time we did it in a pool? I don't know I've had sex lots of weird places?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her tounge she knows how much I like it . Her pussy, Ummm her pussy's so sweet I could eat my little kittens pussy for hours, and it feels so good around me I mean I fucked her and never ever want another girl ever again, she turned me! someone who fucked around for fun into a one girl guy would would never dream of cheating on my sweet little wifey.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, many times, It's the one thing about being in a committed relationship that I miss being with a girl, I miss anal. But I'm sure we could get a toy so she can still do it.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Sundress! I love her little sundress! and nothing else.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

hair... Or my hips, I love when she touches my hips

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I don't care.

59. When did you first had sex?

I was sixteen, and it was a bar bathroom. But it was amazing!

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The first time I had sex with y/n, the first time that we actually had sex we were in a little hotel in Cali, and it was amazing! she was so amazing, I'd never felt so good in my life!

61. What's your favourite position?

I love from the side, its so good when it's an early morning or, if we're both a little lazy, we start off spooning then have a few kisses and then after a couple of minuets she's screaming for me.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never,

63. Do you watch porn?

No! it's hard to find the places, and there always full of perverts.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

I look at magazines. Or my little kitten. Oohhh we could make a porno?

65. How often do you masturbate?

Not very often, once a month maybe

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I want to try a weird like upside down thing

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

Give! I love hearing her scream! I love when she does it took but I like taking care of her better.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times, I wish we could more often but it's going to one of the warmer places becuase... new York is too fucking cold for that shit! but last time we where in paris in the summer we went skinny dipping and it's so fun, unfortunately it doesn't last long because one of us breaks and just has sex.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Oohh I think four times, i do not have the like replenishment ability to do anymore then that.

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I know I'm loud but I like her to know how good she's making me feel, besides' she's louder.

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

No, that seems... sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

Voice, and looks I guess.

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like calling y/n kitten, and I love torturing her!

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I think I've probably gone... very very far.

75. What's your favourite toy?

well my little kitten is my toy. But I do enjoy this little toy we got recently that turns me into a little vibrator for her, i like it because well it makes me hard as fuck and she likes it because I slightly vibrate inside her, and it rubs on her clit for me which Is good because sometimes my hands are... preoccupied.

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

I've read stories people send into magazines about fucking stewardesses and hotel maids? does that count?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

Yes I have, I think by now I'm probably like a platinum member?

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

Yes I can. I have tried. Many times. but I can't anymore... my kitten doesn't bother with panties anymore

79. Would you say you're kinky?

Do. do I need to answer this question or does everything else here answer that enough?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

Not really no. The water never stays hot, the shower spray means one of you is always cold, it's weirdly dry, it's hard to get the angle, it's just way more trouble then it's worth, I'll wait and just cuddle her in the shower then bend her over the bathtub before she puts her towel on. but! Bath sex? I like.

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

I don't really do it anywhere then my bed, or the shower.

82. Do you like to be spanked?

Yes I do, It's amazing! I like it a lot. and I also like doing it.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

Not really,

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I would let her watch of course and likely ask her to give me something to watch

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Not really I guess.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

Falling asleep afterwards is just a habit, but I have cried several times usually when it feels so amazing your eyes water.

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact is so good!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

sometimes, it depends what position as much as I love kissing during sex but some positions it just didn't really work

89. Do you get tired after sex?

Very I want a nap afterwards.

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

I think we have tried most of them

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

About six months I guess, I don't know I don't really pay attention

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Ask me for sex? or wear the sundress!

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

Lights on! I can't be trying to work in the fucking dark.

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very very much so

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I used to really like one night stands, I liked just the hello, fuck goodbye element to it. but Now I have y/n I'm happy with long term and I don't ever want anyone else.

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

I like both. Don't make me choose!

98.Rough or romantic?

I guess both we are rough but it's in a romantic way

99. Quickie or marathon session?

I love quickies, allows us to get on with other things later in the day, but one night a week we have a nice long marathon session with the toys, and the handcuffs.

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

I love how kinky and how rough we can get, but it's because we used to miss each other so badly back when we were long distance, it became out release and to show each other just how bad we had missed one another, but it feels so good and its so amazing to make you feel so good and that you make me feel so good, I'll never need anyone else for the rest of my life now I've got you, I mean you literally made me cry it felt so good the first time we had sex, all your sexy little pictures and letter when we were apart, even if we do go a little crazy on each other sometimes, I really do love you kitten more then anything, and I can't wait for us to get married, and for our honeymoon.

#benny #benny smut #benny x reader #benny imagine #benny watts #BENNYSMUT #benny watts imagine #benny watts smut #BENNYWATTS #bennywattssmut #tbs #thomas sangster #thomas brodie sangster

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sugas-sweetheart · 4 years ago

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Reincarnations || Sebastian Michaelis

A/N: IM SO SORRY I DELETED THE ASK BUT I HAD A SCREENSHOT BECAUSE I GET EXCITED WHEN PPL REQUEST BLACK BUTLER AND SHOW MY TWO FRIENDS - this is also a mix of both but I kinda tweaked it so that the reader doesn’t know Sebastian is their mate as it takes a little time for memories of their past lives to return once meeting him so that I could add a little more to it, I hope that’s okay! Enjoy! I’m also honoured to be the first person you sent an ask to 🥺 And I apologise for how long it took to write and it’s kind of shit oops ahdksnd I’m so so sorry

Request by: @samanthaambrosia

As you mention ‘She’ in the request I’ve made this a Fem! Reader so that I was also able to make her a maid

Upon your arrival at Phantomhive manner you could never have imagined how this would play out.

Entering the large mansion for the first time, you were greeted by the four other working staff; they welcomed you with open arms explaining that the young master and his butler were off on a business trip for the next few days. When the Queen sent you, one of her personal maids, to start working in Phantomhive manner, it confused you. You didn’t know what had prompted this, nor were you really in a position to question it. You thought that as her half angel, half demon maid, she wouldn’t let you stray very far away from her, but alas, here you were.

They gave you a tour of the grand mansion and stopped by your small living quarters to let you settle. Due to your supernatural nature, that they were unaware of, it wasn’t too hard to settle in, especially, after they had tested your reflexes to aid in “the Phantomhive welcome”.

You had been at the mansion for a couple of days now, the Lord himself and his butler were due to arrive anytime from last night. While you knew the Lord could be the tiniest bit caring, you still thought you ought to make a good impression sicne the Queen didn’t care to mention how long you would be here.

The sound of brisk knocking brought you out of your thoughtful daze as you finished buttoning up your shirt’s cuffs. The noise startled you as in your few days at the manor, you were the one to be awake and working before the others.

“Excuse me, may I come in?” A deep voice followed the knocking, which prompted you to step towards the door and open it for the individual outside.

A small gasp left the dark haired males lips as his eyes locked with yours and a sense of familiarity washed over you.

“Oh! Goodmorning, you must be Sebastian, the head butler. I’m Y/N, the maid sent by the Queen to serve the young Lord. It’s lovely to finally meet you, I’ll introduce myself to the Lord when he leaves his quarters.” A smile graced your face as you rambled on, not taking notice of his initial look of shock, and his alluring features studied you.

The familiarity and comfort his face brought you was confusing. Being fairly young compared to other angels and demons, surely you’d remember everyone you’ve met? He had a strange aura, almost definitely supernatural. You couldn’t quite place where you had seen him before and that was going to be on your mind the whole day.

“You are correct, I am Sebastian. Please come to me if you have any concerns or require help. You can continue with your daily duties then and I shall be seeing to the young master now” with a quick bow, he briskly started walking away.

There was a constant elegance to him; it kept your eyes trained on him until he rounded the corner. That feeling of familiarity still lingering within your heart.

Sebastian paused after he had turned the corner to make sure he was out of your view. You had always owned his heart, and you would forever more. The reincarnations of you kept him going through his endless demon life. In this life and the next you two were promised to each other, a constant that you both needed in lives that lasted as long as yours would.

It was just a shame that you were cursed to forget him until you crossed paths, and even then, it took time for you to recollect and gain all your previous memories. He had one item that he had gifted to you in your last existence together, he had to try jogging your memory, right?

As the day continued on, quick introductions were exchanged between you and the young Lord before you were due to get back to your usual tasks. Sebastian by his side sparing glances at you any moment he could get when he thought no one was looking. Unbeknownst to him, a certain Phantomhive was very observant of it all. So he did what anyone would do and asked him about you.

“Sebastian, what is your connection to the new maid?” Ciel questioned, pausing his musical studies briefly to peek up at his butler.

“I don’t seem to understand what you mean, my Lord” the raven haired male sent a quick glance back at the boy before continuing.

“You seemed very distracted by her this morning” the younger male mused before too continuing with his music.

Although Sebastian wouldn’t say it, Ciel was right. You had invaded his head space since his eyes gazed over you this morning and he only wished that you remembered him quicker.

Reaching into his tail coat pocket, he checked that he still had the pendent. He knew it was there, it was just a force of habit that he checked and now it mattered most. He had carried the crimson pendant since your last passing, almost fifty years ago now.

“She’s my mate, my lover. She loves me, and I her, for eternity…” it was only quiet, but Ciel heard it.

“Shouldn’t she be running into your arms then? That’s what most novels say isn’t it?” This situation had peaked Ciel’s interest more so than before, you had only given the butler a few glances when focusing on your formal introduction to the Lord. He would have expected more longing looks for what sounded like such a profound love.

“Not all love stories are that of novels, my lord. There was once a curse placed upon us, she may only regain her previous memories after meeting me again, and even then it must be prompted by something”

“Well? What are you going to do?”

“Ah, always a curious one aren’t you, my Lord? I shall deal with it later, for now you need to get back to your studies” And so he did. Sebastian decided he would confront you later, but now he just needed to figure out how. It’s not a very simple thing to spring upon someone you’ve just met. If you didn’t regain your memories then you’d probably think he was a lunatic, or just a very big flirt.

The day had passed and night was closing in. The raven haired demon had prepared himself for this moment; he had waited patiently for so many years. With his gloved hands tightly clutched around the vermillion pendent, he took cautious strides towards your figure. Your back was turned away from the rest of the room as you dusted a tall cabinet in the corner.

A light tap was detected on your left shoulder causing you to whip your head round and meet the striking blood coloured eyes of the man behind you.

“Excuse me, but I think this belongs to you” he uncurled his fingers as he spoke to reveal a ruby pendant necklace and a tight lipped smile grew on his face.

“I’m sorry, you must be wrong. But as a maid I could never own such a high value item” the very prominent apologetic tone was laced with disappointment, he could tell you were just as infatuated with the ruby as you were when he first gifted it to you those many years ago.

“Oh on the contrary, my love” he reached forward to lightly pull your hand closer to his, placing the chain into your palm.

The look of bewilderment was obvious in your face, he had just addressed you as “my love” whilst giving you a piece of jewellery no maid would own. As he closed your palm around the accessorie it was like a warm familiar feeling filled you. Short memories were unveiled and unlocked in your mind, memories of him.

You began to hesitantly move your free hand to his face to cup his cheek, you had spent decades apart and were finally reunited and it all felt too good to be true.

“Going by Sebastian I see? I could get used to that” a teasing smile broke out on you face and Sebastian’s smile widened as he saw your old self shining through.

He couldn’t wait a moment longer and pulled your face forwards to meet his lips.

You made a mental note to thank the Queen for sending you here, and hoped that you’d be by his side for eternity once more.

#kuroshitsuji sebastian #kuroshitsuji x reader #kuroshitsuji imagine #kuroshitsuji #black butler imagines #black butler x reader #black butler #sebastian michaelis x reader #sebastian x reader #sebastian michaelis #black butler sebastian

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theyscreamjade · 4 years ago

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hi!! i binged ur bakugo oneshots and headcanons and absolutely fell in love with your writing style!!

i have a kinda specific request, and if you don’t want to do it that’s totally fine!! Whatever makes you most comfortable :)

So, a oneshot where reader has the “gifted kid burnout” syndrome?? like she used to be good at everything, it came naturally to her, and she was always praised for being amazing, yadda yadda yadda. But when she hit highschool, nothing came naturally, she couldn’t do it all perfectly, so she just. loses motivation. to do everything. she either sleeps all the time or barely, and she’s been lectured by Aizawa for her grades slipping more times than she can count. Bakugo is kinda like her pining bestie??and he notices and asks her about it and she just kinda breaks down?? and they cuddle?? i’m rambling here, again if this is too specific or you just don’t want to do that’s totally fine!! Thank you for writing such amazing works tho!! (●’◡’●)ﾉ

Slipped

I CAN RELATE TO THIS SHIT ON A THOUSAND LEVELS BECAUSE...high school was when I started self-harming and everything just crumbled after that. Trust me honey, it may seem hard now but it’ll get better. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, I’m still trying to break that habit. Thank you for being a Peep! The overwhelming support and everything, I never ever expected this. Thank you so much and I hope this helps!

————————————————————————————————————————

“You’re failing.” Your teacher said to you bluntly as he stood in front of you. The afternoon sun shines through the halfway closed blinds in the empty classroom.

You couldn’t lift your head to answer, your mind was focused on the words he said without a hesitation. You exceeded everyone’s expectations, you were your parents golden child. You were going to do the one thing that your parents gave up to do. You were going to become the best Pro-Hero out there and give your all.

“I-....I-I’ll do better next time.” You spoke to the older adult as he sighed, sitting down in the chair in front of you. “Listen, You’re at risk of being removed from my class. I’ve given and done the best I could to keep you here.” He explained softly while looking towards your hanging head. “You started off great and now you can’t seem to keep up with your peers..or even in training. Is everything okay?” He asked, showing a bit of concern for you.

Time to put those professional acting skills, you sat up and smiled, scratching the back of your head. “I’m okay! I’ve just been busy, that’s all!” You explained as he frowned a bit. “Y/N, You don’t have to be afraid to tal-“

“I’m sorry, Sensei! Trust me, don’t worry! I’ll be fine okay?” You reassured before standing up. “Those grades will be back to normal and everything will be fine.” You explained, waving his worries away before you made your way to the doors. The raven haired teacher followed and handed you your make-up work. You gathered the items needed before you left in a quick hurry. You just wanted to be alone.

Your feet tapped against the ground as the pressure was intense, your mind ran rapid while you prayed that they didn’t contact your parents. That was the last thing you needed. You sat in the common room’s dinning table and began doing your work. You grabbed your pencils and looked at the rows and rows of work as your grip became tighter.

“Heya Nuggs!” Denki said, sitting down in the chair in front of you. “Whatcha doing?” He asked, leaning over in curiosity. You and Denki were friends since elementary school, it’s crazy how retrieving a dime from his nose made you two the best of friends. “Not now, Denki.” You responded, trying to stay focused.

The overwhelming depression weighed down on your chest as everything seemed to be smaller. “Why are you doing work? I didn’t know we had homework.” Denki questioned, while looking over the paperwork. “Denki, Please.” You said, your voice at the urge of snapping as he chuckled. “Typical, Y/N. Always trying to be the best, ever since we were kids you always was the greatest.” He said as your blood began to boil.

“I guess that’s why you’re at the t-“ “IM NOT AT THE TOP DAMNIT!” You screamed, slamming your pencil on the paper, snapping it in half. “IM NOT THE BEST! IM NOT THE GREATEST! I CANT DO EVERYTHING IM FUCKING FAILING!!” You screamed as your friend looked at you, worried. You slapped your hands over your mouth, gathering everyone’s attention who was inside. “Y-Y-Y/N?” Denki started to say while you gathered the papers.

“Y/N! Wait!” Denki tried to call out while you ran out of the room, shaking as your body collided with someone else’s. You glanced at the person before you continued running. You could feel your body shaking as your worst nightmare was becoming a reality. Your shoulder touched the wall as you fought to keep yourself calm. The panic in your heart was rushing while everything felt a thousand times heavier. Your heart was slamming against your chest before you felt a hand lift you up. His head slipped underneath your arm as he swiftly lifted you to bridal style. It honestly surprised you to see your peer, Bakugo carrying you as if you were a princess.

The sheer randomness, somehow calmed your edging panic attack as you sat on your bed. “You okay?” He asked softly as you looked up at him. You nodded softly and sat your books on the seat beside your bed. “What the hell’s going on with you?” He’d ask afterwards. Though he only knew you for the two years of you two being in school after you transferred before your sophomore year. He’s worked with you and knew how you normally were, the sudden change made him worry, but he refused to let you know that.

“Nothing..” you quickly responded as he scoffed. “Don’t lie, What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asked, annoyance starting to show as he sat on your desk chair. You couldn’t lie to him, even if you tried. Denki, Deku and Bakugo were the only ones who could crack you open like a walnuts.

“.....I-I’m failing class.” You stated softly. “I-..I’ve worked so hard, I’ve done my best, gave everything my all and I’m fucking failing.” You continued as tears started to flow from your eyes, your hand gripped your scalp while you sat up. “How fucking pathetic of me, I-I went from flying through every test, being at the top with you guys and I’m failing. I-I can’t call myself a hero when I can’t save people! I can’t call myself the best when I’ve failed my tests! I can’t call myself anything! I-I can’t sleep! I-I barely eat or drink! I-“

“Shut up, Dumbass!” He snapped, looking at you. “You’re failing, so what? You’ll make it up won’t you?” He questioned as you looked down. “Oi! You said you wanted to be a hero, you said you wanted to save people just how your parent did, right?!” He asked as you nodded. “It’s a small drop, you should stop holding back your feelings and pushing yourself and relax for once.” He stated, crossing his arms. “When you fall down...I want to be there to pick you back up, just don’t give up Dumbass.” He said while blush covered his cheeks. His sudden wave of affection was way out his normal personality.

You couldn’t help but smile, wiping your tears away. “Thank you, Bakugo.” You replied softly as he scoffed again, making you laugh. Once your anxiety and mind was back in order, you continued on your work. Bakugo stayed and helped you completed it, helping you with every question. Nearing completion, your eyes began to droop. Your vision struggled to stay clear as your mind declared that it needs to rest. “Oi, Dumbass?” He called while you struggled. Considering it was nearly one the morning, who could stay awake after the day you had?

Your head fell at his shoulders as he smiled softly, watching you finally close your eyes. It was sudden instinct and he just wanted to make sure you actually slept for the whole night, your head laid on your pillow while he laid beside you, his back facing the edge of the bed and the door. While he stared, his vision stayed on you while he admired how cute you were in such a peaceful manner. This was something he looked for, the person you originally were. His mind began to drift onto dream world while you were found in his arms, your breathing moving in perfect harmony.

#my hero academia #bnha fanfiction #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero academia fanfiction #bnha bakugo katsuki #i hope you like this #my hero academia scenarios #bakugou katsuki #mha bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugo x reader #bakugo x you #bakugo fluff #bakugo x black reader #bakugo x reader

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el-dibidibidorado1 · 5 years ago

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Baby's lollipops

Chapter 1

Steve Rogers x plus size reader

Warnings: smutty

AN: Sorry for the delay my phone screen broke and i have to use my old phone for a while. Hope you enjoy.

Hey you. What are you doing here?" I asked stocking the last of the double sided lollipops. Very popular here.

"I just came to see how my friend and her new boyfriend are getting along." I laughed at Ophelia and tossed her a box of edible underwear for her to stock. She sometimes comes and helps me to get a little more cash in her pocket.

It had been a couple of months since Steve and I had our ice cream date and I've never been so happy. The only thing that has been giving me problems is the tension between us when we have our heavy makeout sessions. Soon as Steve slips his hand down my back I panic and push him off.

"So what's the problem? Scared that he splits you in half." I gasped and threw her a toy making her squirm away.

"No! That's not the problem!" She wiggled her eyebrows.

"So you like them-"

"Ophelia I swear to god that I'm going to kick you ass" she laughed, I've only done it once and I was drunk as hell. I also remembered everything that happened, he was nice and all, but let's say that he didn't last long. How disappointing that night was.

"So what's the dealio?" She began playing with one of the toys like if it was a lightsaber.

"Stop it. And soon as his hand touches my lower back I freak out." I take the toy away and continued stocking but this time more annoyed.

"Y/n he likes you! Like a lot. Plus poor man, you are giving him blue balls." I guess he does like me a lot. No guy has brought me flowers for a whole week or waited until I got out of work so he could take me to dinner or home.

"Y/n. You got a costumer." The bell kept on ringing making me rush to the counter and attending the couple.

"Enjoy" i said and noticed the familiar head of hair facing away from me. He was looking at some Male underwear that had an elephant face on them.

"Need any help, sir?" He jumped and smiled making my heart skip.

"No, no thank you ma'am." I walked over to his open arms and he engulfed me in warmness.

With tip toes I managed to get a kiss earning another smile from him.

"Whatcha looking at?"

"I was just wondering how men get into these." his confused face looked so adorable and it made me chuckle at his confusion.

"Um, you put the underwear on but the man thingy goes into the trunk of the elephant"

His surprised face made me laugh.

"What's so funny?" Ophelia came out to investigate my laughter.

"Nothin just looking" steve said letting me go. We went back to stocking and attending a couple of customers until it was lunch time.

"Where should we go?" Ophelia asked placing the last box of flavored warming lube on the shelf. The store looked nice and stocked ready for the next employee to fuck up as she just brings in friends to stir a mess up.

"Subway?" I shook my head as we had that the other day.

"How bout that place where Tony likes to go?"

"Shawarma?" Steve said putting on his coat and helping me with mine.

"Yeah, we haven't been there for a while."

"Okay let's go!"

We arrived at the restaurant and enjoyed our food but it only lasted for a while until I had to get back to work.

"Are you going back to the shop?" Ophelia nodded but Steve was interrupted by his phone.

"Not me. I have to head back, Captain America duties." He leaned in and kissed me goodbye and ran off.

"Don't forget dinner at my place!" I yelled.

"How could I forget?!"

"Ooooh you guys gonna get it on?"

"Alright, you better run before I officially kick that fat ass!" I ran after her like when we where little. But now that she had brought that up, she is right, he's waited for a while now. Maybe now it's a good time, with a little liquor or wine maybe it would make it easier. I really want him but I'm just self conscious about, me.

"Earth to y/n" Ophelia waves her hand in front of my face. Panicked I look at the clock and noticed that I had another hour before I have to close.

"What's a matter?" I touch my face and sigh deeply. Obviously nervous about what is going to happen!

"Just tired" that's not a lie I've been working full shifts, the boss is in vacation so she trusts me more than the others.

Thank God that I have a day off tomorrow!

"How about, you.." she points at me "go ahead and I'll close. Its only another hour, I know how to use the cash regester and I'll just give you your key tomorrow, how does that sound?" Without hesitation I hug her and get ready to leave.

"You sure?" I have to make sure. She second guess herself often.

"Three...two.." she began counting making me rush out of the shop.

Going to the nearest store I buy a couple of wine coolers and a pizza on the way home.

I took a bath and got clean for him. Today is the day! Today is the day........and he's late. Its 8:37 and our dinner was at 7:00.

I grabbed my phone and texted him

You forgot

I reheated the cold pizza and drank two of the wine coolers. This is the second time he's late and I understand that he is an avenger but a text would be nice. Ah maybe I'm just being dramatic about it.

I went to sleep leaving my window cracked as he liked seeking in.

"I'm late" looking up at her apartment I noticed the lights out. She's probably asleep now, dammit as soon as I saw the text I bolted out of there. Homework with Tony and Bruce always makes me forget the things that I have to do.

"Fuck" I mumbled. I was about to walk back to the tower when I saw her window cracked. I jumped onto the tree and climbed up.

"Oh my.." looking into the window I found her sleeping in those lace underwear that she sells at the shop and a t-shirt that I use.

I open the window and slowly slide in.

"Doll?" I kinda hope that she's awake.

A breeze made me smell the perfume that I love.

"Doll?" I slipped out of my suit, still in my boxers and got in bed.

"Doll, I'm sorry I'm late" I whispered taking in her scent and figure.

She hummed and turned around wrapping herself against me.

"You forgot" she mumbled half asleep.

"You look gorgeous" she opened her eyes and smiled.

"You too" she brought her lips to mine making me fall into a frenzy mood. I wanted her. I wanted her badly.

I pulled her over my lap still having my lips on hers.

The feeling of the lace of her underwear and her smooth warm skin made my blood rush into my legs.

"Tell me to stop" I groaned digging my fingers into her thighs.

"No, not tonight. I need you" she panted against my neck.

"You sure?" I made her look at me. Her pupils where dilated, heartbeat loud and the smell of her perfume getting mixed with her natural sent.

"Y-yes"

I layed her on her back while I got in between her thick legs. Gently running my index finger across the lace making her shiver.

"Let's take this off" her arms rose as I bunch up the shirt and threw it next to my uniform. Her arms covered herself.

"Come here" I mumbled bringing her closer. I spread her arms and tangled my fingers with hers leaning in to kiss the top of her breast. She looked beautiful. I kept on kissing and showing her my love.

Testing my limits i slowly slid my hand into her panties. Her eyes closed and she swallows thickly. She was wet and warm making me grow harder by the second.

------

I felt him aganst my thigh, he's bigger than i thought.

"Can i?" He asked tugging my panties. Oh god the lust in his eyes made nod. I felt myself clenching at nothing and it made me want him more.

As he pulled them off i clashed my lips with his and i pulled his boxers down with my legs. I felt him begining to rub himself against my core.

"I need you...i need you now" my panting speed up.

"But, i don't want to hurt you" he pulled away making me whine.

"You won't." With the strengh i never knew i had i pushed him off and sat on his thighs, grabbing him and began stroking him. A sweet low moan rolled off his lips.

Embarrassing, but some of the videos that i had to put on taught me something. I continued using that hand twisting technique making him moan.

"Stop-oh god stop" his knuckles cracked when he gripped the covers.

"Im going to cum if you dont stop" he choked and a smile appeared on my face and i stopped my movements. He took deep breaths while he rubbed my thighs, trying to get me to get closer to his cock. I gladly obliged.

A soft moan sliped out of me when his hottness touched my core again. I slowly moved my hips when he sat up straight. He wraps his arms around me making me speed up. The quiet wet sound made blush fill my cheeks.

"Cum, cum so i can be inside you" his talk made my pleasure skyrocket and i felt the tight coil snap.

"Oh god!" I brought him closer using all my grip to ease my pleasure. Once more i found myself on my back with Steve hovering over me.

"Ready" he said. The lust in his eyes grew ans i realized that what he asked wasn't a question.

He touches my core ans began spreading my wetness around his cock. Looking down i felt his tip moving againt my entrance. I felt his eyes on me and i looked up, after a few seconds i felt pressure and a bit of sting hit me. Once he was all in i found myself enjoying the strech and pressure he gave.

"Move" i whimper. He pulled out and shoved himself in making me cry in pleasure. His speed was speeding up each stroke. His grunts and growls made me want him more. I just kept on ttying to keep my moans and whimpers down just to hear his.

"You feel so good and tight around me" he threw his head back and i kept on raking my nails on his back.

"Don't stop" i cried. His movements speed up more it felt unhuman. A new feeling bubled up in my stomach.

"Steve im going to cum" i told him and he replied that he was close too.

"Just. A. Few. More" he groaned throwing his head back as i felt pleasure take over and i clenched him. Second later i felt his cock twitch and warmth filled me up.

"Better than i thought" he kissed my lips and slowly pulled out looking at his mess with a smirk.

"I'll be back" he went to my bathroom and brought a wet cloth and helped me clean up. He layed next to me bringing me close.

"I'm a bit hungry" he said making me chuckle.

"Lucky for you..." i rolled over to tje desk next fo me and opened one of the boxes from work. "I got to bring home a box of these." I pulled out one of the double sided lolipops.

Taking off the wrapper i gave him the apple flavored side while i got the strawberry side and i layed comfortably next to him again.

"This aren't that bad." I nod and we began talking about anything again. I was too comfortable in his arms to notice his knee rubbing against my core again.

"Wanna go again" he bit his side of the candy and taking mine out placing it on the night stand.

"Hell yeah" he kissed my lips getting on top of me again.

This is going to be a long night. I don't mind it.

#steve rogers #captain america #chris evans #steve rogers x reader #baby lollipops #plus size reader #nomad Steve

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ravenmailey · 5 years ago

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Living with madd

So I'm 20 years old, I am a mother, and a girlfriend and i have madd. Among other things, depression etc.

So to start my madd is something I still do all the time. It's really hard having a regular relationship when you live like this. I had never had a full long term relationship before the man I'm with and I only recently discovered madd as a real thing. I told this man I had imaginary friends, and he just kinda went with it, cause I also never talk about it. But what I'm getting to is that he has helped me in ways I have no idea to explain to him. I used to daydream through every social interaction and it always put me out in groups of people where I'd fall away from the conversation and I wouldn't know how to Come Back In but at 16 I had started working on that because I realized it was really hurting me and I had got new friends and I wanted to be a part of things well after I got my boyfriend he helped a lot with that because I felt terrible for not paying attention to him, and and now when he's awake and home I don't really daydream because I need to be invested and involved in my life. And he had done a good job of unknowingly taking up my, main para, Ander, his mantle. Ander has been with me for a long time he isnt the first para but he is the one that is always there, he is the para that took up the place as a soulmate role in my life, as a lover and a protector. And im now not leaning on him during every moment, Ander isnt just always there next to me now. Because I'm often not alone and honestly I feel like I'm cheating on my Boyfriend sometimes with him, and I feel so so terrible to have ander with me when my Boyfriend is around. And now ander also has started to change some to look like him in the face. But being loved and supported by someone I love and also want to support has made slowing down my madd even at all possible.

Furthermore being a mother is hard, I have a 11 month old little girl, and she relies on me for everything and I have to be active and apart of her development, not just active I have to push it along and find new and creative ways to help her grow and become a person. But madd is very intrusive. I feel like a terrible mom, I feel like I dont spend enough time doing active play with her. And its true I dont. ( on a side note my daughter is excelling and ahead on her milestones and I love her soooooooo much) but having my paras do things with me is something I have done for a while so it helps that in small ways i just include the daydreaming in with being a mom. But having a kid terrifies me, what if she falls behind because I'm not doing good, or if her speach isn't progressing right because I listen to earbuds and dont talk much. Or when she gets older how will I hide this. For now I just try not to think about it and anxiety over doing the wrong thing pushes me to be the mom she needs me to be, maybe not to the best of my ability but I try. Also thet i dont want my animals to watch me be a freak thing wayyy worse with a kid then a pet.

Having madd has made my life hard, probably in equal or greater amounts then it ever helped. I dont know how or if I ever will stop. But its getting easier and knowing really is half the battle. I'm not saying go get a Boyfriend to stop daydreaming, it totally dose not work. I have to stop myself from holding mine to ander's standard as far as comforting me or how he says things goes and that's so far from fair. But I am saying to find a good friend or a roommate someone you really trust, like talking to and being around ALOT. ( remember kids 72 hours non stop at least before moving in with someone.) And try to just be apart of being with them as.much as possible. Tell your paras being hydrated is important offer them some water and drink some yourself. Your paras are your coping mechanism and you should use them to help you move around interact with your world.

I know this is super long, but I never see anyone talk about relationships or being a parent and it's hard. If anyone wants to talk or had questions about whether or not I figured out how to get over something feel free to message me. I'm a stay at home mom and a homemaker, my whole life is self driven apparently I figure something out lol. Or if you want to know more about madd or my paras. I hope this helps show that there is hope for regular things in life like love and success even for people with madd. ( this was super hard for me to write hope it's not to bad)

@valiantlyfuturisticbarbarian thank you you have come to mean so much to me, and I could never quite thank you for being there for me.

#madd #maladaptive daydreaming #actually madd #para #my paras #momblur

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mmmhowaboutno · 4 years ago

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ive barely talked about this to anyone, i thought i got over it but you dont just get over stuff like this. i just wanna write it somewhere. a few days ago was august 3rd. three years ago on that day i was drugged and sexually assaulted in my own home by someone who i thought was my friend. i was friends with him for five years prior, so it came as a shock to me when this happened, not just because of what happened but because i realized trusting people is something i may do too easily.

my parents went away for the weekend with my brother, and my “friend” was in town, so i thought i would invite him over so we could drink and play video games. we had been planning to hang out for a while and i thought it was just a chill thing to do with someone youve been friends with for so long. i still think that. i had two shots of vodka and after that started to feel more drunk than normal. i remember him constantly stuffing his water bottle in my face telling me to drink. at first he casually asked if i just wanted some water, so i didnt think anything of it. when things started getting fuzzy he would say “drink this, its just water, youre so drunk youll feel better.” he never drank from it though. guess where the drugs were.

i remember bits and pieces of what happened and the stuff he did to me. i remember “across the universe” was playing in the background as i drifted in and out of consciousness. i wanted to watch that movie since high school and always put it off, but now ill never be able to watch it. i remember that while i was on the floor and couldnt move or speak he would make me drink water and tell me that i would feel better soon, all while he was rubbing my thighs or reaching up my shorts. i remember being unconscious for a long time, and when i woke up, he was in the bathroom. i could barely hold up my phone, but i called my boyfriend first. it was 4am for him and his phone was on silent, but he said that he woke up right as i was calling for some reason, like he felt something bad was happening. i couldnt talk. its like i was in one of those dreams where you try to run away but cant, except i couldnt get words out of my mouth at all. all i managed to say was “drugged me.” my boyfriend told me to call the police, so i did.

when he came out of the bathroom, he acted like everything was normal. i can still see and hear him standing over me and asking “you okay?” while i was drooling on the floor and couldnt lift my head from the drugs that he gave me. i cant remember what happened until the police came. i only remember the knocking at the door and them telling me to open it. the knocking was so fucking loud. he kept looking at me and asking why i called the police, to which i couldnt answer anything. he started panicking and went in and out of the rooms upstairs in my house. he didnt answer the door, and they kept knocking. i somehow managed to get up, tripped and crawled down half of the stairs, and opened the door for them. i remember my dog barking and an officer placing me on a stretcher and so many questions being tossed around. they asked me how old i was and had me call my boyfriend so they could talk to him. they asked my “friend” if he knew that i had a boyfriend, like that would make a difference in him wanting to drug me or being responsible for it.

he told the officers that i had had a lot to drink before he got to my house, that i was already drunk off my ass before he got there. they let him go. i told them where the drugs were. i pointed at the water bottle that was in his hand and i told them that the drugs were there, in whatever broken words i could get out, and they let him leave. they didnt test the water bottle for anything or look around my house or ask me if i was okay. they didnt ask what he did to me or even ask if he did anything, they just let him leave and took me to the hospital. they didnt even question the fact that he was buying a minor alcohol, they just let him fucking leave.

when i was at the hospital, they tested me for my alcohol levels, which they said were normal. so there was physical evidence that i was not, in fact, drunk, like he said. when i started to come to after waiting at the hospital for hours, i told the doctors where the drugs were. i told them to test the water bottle, i begged and pleaded for them to get in touch with police and tell them that i didnt have any alcohol in my system, that it was drugs that he had given me. there was fucking proof, but they didnt do anything.

they asked me if i wanted to call my mom, and i almost did, but then i remembered that it was her birthday. so, i spent those three hours alone in the room thinking about all the reasons i was a fuck up and how this was all my fault. no one seemed to believe me, so maybe i did make it all up and i was actually drunk. but no, there wasnt any alcohol in my system. i only had two shots. after a while, the doctors told me i could go home. i was confused because i didnt have a way to get home, so they told me get an uber or something. they didnt really care at this point. i called an uber, and went outside to meet the car. once my feet hit the ground outside i realized that i didnt have any shoes on. i dont know why but i thought it was strange. i kinda hyper-focused on that as i waited for the uber. everything around me was so loud. all of a sudden, a young-ish nurse came outside and stood next to me. he said he would wait with me. i saw him pass my room a couple times while i cried silently for those few hours i was in the hospital. he stood outside with me and walked me to my uber, asked the uber driver for his name and number, and told me i would be okay. i remember what he looked like and ill genuinely never forget him. he made me feel safe just by doing that little thing, i knew i could trust him when i didnt even trust myself in that moment.

the car ride home felt like it took forever. i was scared of the uber driver and the road and the fact that it was dark outside and most of all of what my mom would think and say when i finally told her what happened. i got home and walked up to my house to see that the main lights were on. my dog was waiting for me on the stairs and ran up to me as i walked inside. he kept licking me and didnt leave my side, but after a while of my dog being attentive and moving around, i realized how quiet it was inside my house. his car wasnt outside anymore, so i knew he had left, but this sudden wave of inexplicable fear washed over me. i started very anxiously searching every room, looking behind doors and in cabinets for some stupid fucking reason. i looked under every bed and turned on every light in my house. i dont know why but i thought he would still be there, waiting for me. i was looking for any trace of him still being in the house and waiting to do it to me all over again. i went upstairs and looked in my brothers closet only to find the vodka that my “friend” had brought for us to drink hidden in a corner. in the room next to mine was the bag with the receipt for the vodka that he bought. in the room where it all happened was the pizza we had gotten to eat and the cushions that he put under my head when i kept flopping over and drooling. that room was like a war zone to me. i couldnt look at it or be in it, i couldnt for almost a year. there were remnants of what happened all over my house and i felt like i couldnt escape it. it happened in the place where i was supposed to feel the most safe, and now i felt trapped in it.

i went into my room and got into bed with my dog. it was 4am, i couldnt sleep, and i didnt know what to do. every noise made me jump. every noise outside made me peek through the blinds to make sure that it wasnt his car pulling back up to my house. i found myself more awake than exhausted, as i should have been. im sure he slept fine that night. im sure he was okay and that he went home knowing that i was in the hospital and my mind was going 1000 miles an hour trying to remember every little detail of what happened so i could convince the cops that he had drugged me. because evidence wasnt enough. words werent enough for them to even try to dig into the fact that maybe i was possibly telling the truth. the cops didnt care, the doctors didnt care. they let him go.

i dont know why i decided to write about this now, because for the most part, im “over it.” i do still think about what happened occasionally. it keeps me up at night sometimes, but not as much as in the first year after it happened. what i think about the most is the fact that no one believed me. i wasnt drugged and sexually assaulted and then reported it a few days later. the cops came and picked me up in the house where it all happened. they stood next to the person that did it. they looked him in the eye and they looked at the water bottle with drugs in it and at me barely conscious and unable to speak. they let him go. so unfortunately it doesnt surprise me when no one fucking cares if someone remembers and speaks out about their trauma years later because thats the moment they feel comfortable enough to finally talk about it. if cops didnt care in the very moment it was happening to me, it doesnt surprise me that they dont care at all. ever.

he never tried to text or reach out to me again. why would he? i blocked him the next day anyway and i havent heard anything since. ive been silently dealing with it by myself for years. i went to a therapist about it. she told me that it was my fault for inviting him over in the first place. thats what my parents told me too.

and the thing is, im not even the “worst” of it at all. this happens all the fucking time. theres very substantial evidence and cops and doctors will stare at it and think about how much work itll be going through the motions to do their fucking jobs and protect the people being assaulted. its too much work for them, but not for the person having trouble falling asleep every night for years because all they can think about is the moment they were unable to protect themselves and were taken advantage of. i always compare what happened to me to what happened to other people. i think less of it because so much worse has happened to other people. i wasnt raped, people are every day but i wasnt. it could have been worse, and ive always pushed the whole thing out of my mind because of that, but i dont think i should. i dont think it wasnt a big deal, and i dont think it will ever be not a big deal. i think that this shit happened to me and happens to people every day and no one fucking cares because its too much work for them to care. this isnt a metoo post, i just needed to put it into writing somewhere because im tired of keeping it inside. i dont want pity, i never have, i think a lot of people think that when something like this happens and someone speaks out about it that thats what they want. i just wanna say it. sometimes its just fucking good to say it. so for the people who do think that i want pity or that dont believe me or that support cops or that dont think this was a big deal: fuck you and have a horrible day.

thats it sorry

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kronos-the-timelord · 6 years ago

Note

Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0

ahhhhhh,, you so nice

1: My name? - Margaret

2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky

3: Zodiac sign? - libra

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine

5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo

6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia

8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now

9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool

11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view

13: Favourite word? - aurora

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/

15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff

16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials

17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller

20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great

21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life

22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??

23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things

24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!

26: Favourite season? - fall and spring

27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;

28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho

29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon

30: Eye colour? - brown

31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights

32: Someone I love? - my mom

33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard

34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon

35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!

36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing

39: Am I superstitious? - kind of

40: What do I think about most? - right now, school

41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping

44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly

45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good

46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years

47: Favourite animal? - dogs

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia

49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation

50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off

51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it

52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off

53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black

55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years

56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier

57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???

59: Afraid of heights? - nope

60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers

61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile

66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes

67: Scared of the dark? - nope

68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29

69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from

70: Can I sing? - no ;-;

71: Something I wish I could do? - sing

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account

73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes

74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places

75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!

76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)

77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me

78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty

80: Can I drive? - yeah!

81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport

82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun

84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any

85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????

86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london

87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade

88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l

89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!

90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying

92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!

93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd

94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms

95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch

96: Can I cook? - yeah!

97: Can I bake? - yeah!

98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants

99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone

102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)

103: Sexual orientation? - straight

104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night

105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D

106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D

107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,

108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there

109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work

110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,

111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???

112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D

113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country

115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!

116: Can I juggle? - no

117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)

118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!

120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything

121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no

124: Do I like clowns? - not really

125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each

126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right

127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah

128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t

129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand

130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination

131: Am I a good liar? - i think so

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)

133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time

134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert

135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad

138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better

141: Have I ever been underweight? - no

142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no

144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p

146: Have I ever been overweight? - no

147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;

149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????

151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night

153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!

154: Do I want children? - no

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him

157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal

162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much

163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends

164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees

165: Do I believe in fate? - not really

166: Favourite animal? - question 47

167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it

168: Have I ever been on TV? - no

169: How old am I? - 19

170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”

171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty

172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday

175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho

176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there

178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t

180: Do I like shopping? - yeas

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion

182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it

183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???

184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing

186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure

187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”

188: Love or money? - money

189: Love or career? - career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho

191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy

192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here

193: What motivates me? - spite

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool

196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now

198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city

200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall

202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no

205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy

206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had

208: Do I collect anything? no

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind

210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece

211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something

212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes

214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them

216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent

#that took forever #it kept getting deleted and i would have to start over #sorry it took so long #selfie #????

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syinisuga · 7 years ago

Text

☆Forbiden Fantasy☆

PART 2

Namjoon x Reader

WereWolf x CEO's Daughter

Genre: Angst->Smut->Fluff

Word Count: Alot of Words

Warning: there is angst present in this story so prepare your heartue. The smut in this is kinda extreme rated 21+ and the fluff part is well.... fluff.. lol im sorry i'm not good with the warnings

A/N: here is part two of the series!💕 Hope you enjoy this one! Thank you all so much for your love and support💜💞😊

----☆----☆----☆----☆----

Darkness. The sound of faint voices whispering and mumbling could be heard. A sudden surge of pain stinged through my head as i slowly flutter my eyes open. It takes me a few seconds to adjust to the sudden brightness and open my eyes fully to take in my surroundings and process where i am. I was tied up tight, hands behind my back , feet tied together and i was kneeled down on the ground in a darkly lit room with an all black asthetic feel, suited with the HellVamps dark personality.

"Fiiinaallyy the abomination is awake. We thought we accidentally killed before the rituals.." one of them spoke.

"Do you have any idea how long we've been looking for you? Your father hid you well... but not well enough" another voice spoke from a corner of what seemed to be an abandoned room.

"Wouldn't it be so delicious to just devour you right now" another one spoke as they all started to walk closer to me.

"N-no stay back! D-don't come near me!" I shouted as i tried to shuffle my body in the backwards towards a wall.

"That's enough!" The deep low voice spoke from the darkness.

Immediately the rest of them moved back to their original position and lined up neatly.

"Welcome miss y/n. So nice to see you again... you've grown up" spoke the voice as he walks into the dim light of the room, his figure slowly becoming clear.

"W-who..who are you... how do you know me?!" I raised my voice a the man.

He was dressed in an all black suit, black leather shoes and hair combed back neatly and a smug smile plastered across his face, amused at my question.

"Well you see my dear, i know more about you than you do actually..i know every detail about your past, where you came from and who you really are.." he finishes as he walks slowly towards me crouches down. He reaches his hand up to caress ny hair as i I shuffle back a little in defense, looking up at him curiously and he laughs slightly at my reaction, entertained by my fear.

"Well to answer all your thoughts as to why you're here and what we want with you.. let's start from the very begining shall we?" He stood up and all the other HellVamps sat down on chairs all around the room ready to hear the story.

"Long long time ago, there was a young teenage boy, tall and handsome that was walking through the forest when he stumbled upon a beautiful fair young werewolf girl. You could say it was love at first sight, they were so madly in love with each other. They knew it was wrong to be with each other but, you know.. true love knows no bouderies. After years of being in love they had a baby and the baby turned out to be a half werewolf half human baby. Which is a very rare occurance in our world. What you call a miracle baby with... what's the word.. unique characteristics. When the villagers found out about the baby, many tried to kill it, get rid of it. So both of them fleed the village to a new place with thier baby and raised it together, keeping it's true identiti a secret from everyone including the little baby girl herself. And the little baby girl grew up to be a bautiful young lady who is now trapped in our hands sitting here finally enlightened about her true self".

My mind couldn't process everything quick enough, i was speechless. I'm a half mythical? What? But what does that have to do with me being hunted by these monsters? What do they want with me?

"B-but what does that have to do with you wanting me? What do you want with me?" I asked now even more puzzled than before, curiosity running through my head.

"Aahh yes i was waiting for you to ask me that my dear" he says with a huge smile as he comes back and crouches in front of me.

"You see my dear, we are not like regular Vampires, we are weaker, we aren't immortal, we need more blood than normal Vampires to survive. And to change that we need to perform a specific ritual involving every drop of blood and the heart of a half n half, which in this case... you." He finishes and my heart beats even faster as if it could fall out of my chest any second.

"Y-you're...g-gonna.. y-you.." words not coming out of my mouth, fear washing over me.

"Ssshh don't worry just yet my dear, we have to wait till the blood moon. Only then will the ritual work, and the blood moon is in 7 days... till then we'll keep you here, well fed, warm and cozy, hm? We'll even give you your own delux room in this fine mantion, sound good?" He finished with a smile on his face still amused at me.

"My father will save me! Joonie will find me! I know he will! They come after me!" I shouted at him.

"Haha, funny. Didn't the WereWolf reject you? Left you alone crying in the rain? Left you unprotected because of his selfish heart and now you're taken?" He asks with an eyebrow slightly raised and a cocky smirk on his pale lips.

I could say anything as Namjoon's sharp hurtfull words started to replay in my head. I started to tear up and hung my head low thinking of the scene that kept on repeating like a broken record.

"Tsk tsk tsk tsk, don't cry my sweet. All your pain and suffering will end soon", he spoke softly as he wiped a tear that i didn't realise had rolled down my cheek thinking of Namjoon.

"Take her to the east wing and give her the last room make sure to look it up real good.. we don't want our precious girl to get hurt again" he chuckles as he leaves the room.

Four of the HellVamps picked me up and carried me towards a room and dropped me on the huge bed drapped with silk bedsheets. I didn't bother squirming alot since my thoughts and my heart were filled with hurt. They untied me and left the room locking it. I burried my face into the pillow and and started pouring my eyes out. All the new information and pain hitting me at once. It was alot to process, but i finally understood why my father was protecting me that much, why he warned me to stay away from other mythical beings. They could've used me in other ways that involved me being hurt or dead. But why Namjoon? Why did he stay away from me? What is he afraid of? If im half WereWolf like my mother? Doesn't that mean i can actaully be with him? But why did he push me away? All those thoughts in my slowly faded away as i cried myself to sleep.

BANG. The loud sounds of tables breaking and things crashing to the ground jolted me awake. My heart was beating fast at the sudden sound and i sat up on the bed thinking what those sounds were. Sound of bones breaking and bodies crashing, being thrown around could be heard. I became even more afraid as the curiousity of what it could be and was going on built up faster inside of me. All of a sudden the comotion goes quiet and i hear footsteps come closer to door of the room i'm in and attemp to open the lock. I grab a lampstand and hold it up in defense and wait for the person or thing to come in. The sound of the lock being smashed was hear before a very familiar figure barged in panting and wounded on the arm.

"N-namjoon?!"

----☆----☆----☆----☆----

To Be Continued...

#bts fanfic #bts #bts namjoon #bts werewolf au

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typeonebro · 5 years ago

Text

Hi, I’m probably just some rando and you’re seeing my post because of the tag or something. That’s fine. I just think this is a good way to get my feelings out. So, uh...you can keep scrolling :)

Anywhoo. I’m gonna just tell the story of my diagnosis and how, 3 months ago, I was diagnosed with type one diabetes. Some info to know before I start: I’m 15 (sixteen in April (just had to mention that)), I’m still new and confused, and I’m really putting myself out there by doing this. But the anonymity makes me feel better tbh. That’s all so ill start...

In July of 2019, I weighed 152 lbs. I wasn’t upset about it and I didn’t have any plans of losing it. But by the time mid-August came around, i weighed 132 lbs. It was odd to me because I wasn’t trying to lose weight. Sure, I was eating less, but I assumed I was growing because I grew half a foot in 7th grade when I lost my appetite. I told my grandparents and they blew it off, so I did too and eventually forgot to even mention it to my dad.

That was just the start. In September and October, my nose, which was previously red, became worse and I got really thirsty. And I mean really thirsty. After school every day, my dad would take my brother and i to the gas station and he’d let us get a drink and a snack. I got two drinks and would have them both finished within 20 minutes. After finishing a liter of Coke and a large bottle of orange juice, I would think ‘wow, that’s new. must be my new thing instead of eating a lot’. And, honestly, drinking a gallon of oj and finishing a whole box of caprisuns did become my trademark. My grandpa began to buy two gallons of orange juice just for me. Yeah...we were that clueless.

On top of the constant drinking, there was also constant peeing. In October, it was every hour and a half, two hours. By November, i was using the bathroom every thirty minutes to an hour. And it might be a little tmi, but this led to a yeast infection :\. I really don’t want to tell anyone that. Not even my closest friends know. But it’s a lesser spoken about thing with diabetes. And it’s not that gross. Okay, it is, but it’s important to talk about.

So, November is kinda when things started to go south. I had been feeling weak since October and I started to miss school with a urinary tract infection, stomach viruses, and more. I was drinking more than ever, my tongue was sticking to the top of my mouth, I was awake every hour of the night; either peeing or trying to soothe my cramping legs. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure I knew I was dying. I was just too numb to speak up about it.

SO. The climax of the story: the last week of November. Sunday at the Christmas service at church, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe throughout the week, but the ironic part was on a Tuesday. I was feeling sick (as always at this point) and I told my friend, “Every time I look up my symptoms, diabetes comes up. I think I have diabetes”.

Ok--break. I should mention that I was (and still am) one of those people who joked about it. In my defense, I was half-serious because I had experienced hypoglycemia many times since I was ten and I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. But I was still joking. And I would like to apologize. I’m sorry, fellow diabetics.

Back to the story: my friend told me that I should talk to my dad and tell him what I told her. So I did. He told me that I shouldn’t self-diagnose and that I was just being a hypochondriac. I said ok and we went on with our day.

Two days later, I’m still waking up every hour to pee and my leg is still cramping. But today, I feel a bit worse than usual. I don’t have the energy to squeeze myself into a pair of new jeans and I go to school, hoping my dad will see the pain I’m in. We go to school, he wishes me a good day, and I go to the cafe that my friends and i hang out in. There, I find two friends. They see that I’m still unwell, and don't mention it until I buy water and drop it on the table by accident, laughing, “haha I'm so dizzy”. That’s when one of them tells me that I should see a dr. I mention telling my dad and the bell rings, leading me down the hall to English.

In there, I lay my head down. Before long, I have to pee once again. I pull myself up and walk out into the hall. The teacher stops me and asks me if I'm okay. No. No, I'm not okay. I've gotta pee. She tells me that I look sick and writes me a pass to the nurse despite my refusal. At this point, i’ve missed wayyy too much school. But she sends me anyway. I go to the nurse, she sees that im having trouble breathing and lays me on one of the bed thingys. This woman pulls out a finger heart rate things, a blood pressure arm thingy, and a thermometer. I have no fever, but my heart rate and my blood pressure are a bit high. High enough to call my dad.

Eventually, he comes to the school, picks me up and takes me home. Let’s wait for a few hours and see what happens. We wait from nine to twelve forty-five and he goes to get my brother from school. I’ve been in and out of sleep, but when he gets back, he puts everything down and leads me to the car. We go to the ER.

In the car, I’m laid in the back on a pillow and my dad is driving while googling things on his phone. “I think you might have diabetes”

Ya think?

We get to the hospital, I’m shoeless and having the worst time of my life, and we walk into the wrong wing. A woman sees this and points us in the right direction, clearly seeing how sick I am--which, according to my dad, I looked like the personification of death. My dad was rushing my and I really had to restrain myself from snapping. Dude, I can't breathe and you're asking me to hurry. Chill.

So we reach the actual emergency room, people are staring, dad sits me down, and he goes to get my wrist band. I specifically remember looking down at my arms and rolling my sleeves up to see a red and purple arm. It scared me.

We didn’t wait long and a doctor lady came to get me to weigh me, get my heart rate, and check my blood pressure. “Do you smoke?” “Um, no?” “Oh wow”.

Turns out, I went from weighing 152 to 132 to 114 lbs.

The real reason I was put into a wheelchair and rushed back to an actual room was that my heart rate was 172. That was scary.

I was taken back, still holding my pee in, and they stuck sticky things to me and began to rapid-fire questions at myself and my dad. I remember noting that my dad told them I was taller than I actually was (I corrected him when things calmed down and he left the room). More doctors arrived to draw blood, give me ice chips and water, and to ask more questions.

Something that I’ve known since I was in the third grade is the fact that I have extremely small veins. It's hard for a lot of drs to draw blood. This time was no different. Twenty times, the same nurses came in to try different veins. A bruise was already forming in the crook of my right arm.

I remember one of the older nurses walking in and sitting next to me. She said, “Looks like we’ve got a diabetic on our hands.”

After that, I didn’t really experience much shock. Really just thoughts of “when will I get to go home?” and “oh so now I've gotta prick my finger and watch what i eat”.

It was then that they decided to tell me that an ambulance was on its way to carry me to another hospital. The county I live in is small and doesn't have whatever was needed for me at the time, so I was sent to the larger county that I go to school in.

The ambulance came, my dad rode with me, and I texted my friends. They didn’t believe me. Apparently, I joke too much about that type of thing.

After forty minutes, the ambulance stops, and I’m wheeled out of the ambulance, and into my new home for the next four days.

To be continued...?

#my story #type one diabetic #type one diabetes #type 1 diabetes #dka #diabetic ketoacidosis #t1d #diabetes #diabetic #type one #my diagnosis

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shutupandblog · 7 years ago

Text

cute tags

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? // more milk! 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? // YES OMG YES. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? // forks, notes, socks....anything I find in that moment... 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? // tea: just with water. coffee: flavoured creamer.... 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? // YEAH. 6: do you keep plants? // my mom forces her plants onto me so I have unexpected children to take care of. 7: do you name your plants? // no, I'll feel bad if I forget their names. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? // songwriting 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? // sing out loud, man. but yeah. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? // fall asleep on back easiest but wake up on my side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? // innovation at its finest, man. 12: what's your favorite planet? // saturn 13: what's something that made you smile today? // finding some of my old songs and realizing that they're not ALL lost. I was a genius in 2014 and backed it up on usb wow 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? // open concept omf hit me with the natural light and big windows. no walls. big kitchen. no curtains. piano. hardwood. pictures in frames. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! // "The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years." Source: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwji75-ZwYXXAhWqxFQKHSroDssQFggxMAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2014%2F03%2F05%2Fsun-stars-space-facts%2F&usg=AOvVaw2BqM1yEL36GBccqMtEtOWs) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? // i don't normally eat pasta so every time i see pasta i'll take anything. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? // grey and lavender. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. // 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? // i keep a lyric dump journal! 20: what's your favorite eye color? // GREEN 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. // my navy backpack was with my throughout high school and ib and i'm still using it in uni, so it's been to hell twice. 22: are you a morning person? // hell no 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? // listen to all my cd's and find new artists...song write...listen to more music... 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? // yes 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? // lol none 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? // threw them out yo 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? // banana 28: sunrise or sunset? // sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? // my one friend has a habit of crossing her legs and tapping her foot that’s in the air when she listens / hums music and it’s sO CUTE. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? // yeah. my mom went through a rough time and I hated being awake. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. // in general: no socks. Weird socks are cool. I usually take off my socks as soon as I walk in through the front door. If I wear songs, they’re ankle length. Can’t do anything higher than that. I hate tights, I don’t do tights. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. // i literally think we woke up at 4 to watch MAMA 2015 together. 33: what's your fave pastry? // i have no idea....bread pudding served on pie crust and ice cream? 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? // it’s gone. but it was called bonsai and it was a giant ass panda and i miss it. I had to get rid of it because we were moving and its head got ripped off. Or, ripped in half should I say. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? // I love them but I never indulge in it!!! alkjngakjdfd 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? // my mood right now? omg bts - wings. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? // messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! // wet bathroom floors, getting my socks wet, sweaty in the winter, when people touch my things and don’t put them back where they are supposed to be so i can’t find it ugh, touching people’s food while doing dishes (SCRAPE YOUR PLATE @ SIBLINGS), people stepping on my shoes, looming too close to me while talking....etc.... 39: what color do you wear the most? // grey, black, pink. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? // all my jewelry is meaningless bc I bought it all myself. Ahh- I have this one pearl necklace that my grandpa and dad bought for me in china and I haven’t worn it once. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? // gallagher girls series 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! // i’m not a coffee person 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? // myself a few mornings ago when I was going to my lab and waiting at the bus stop. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? // when i was in hawaii doing the longest hike of my life and finally reaching the “end” of the island and you could see no city. Just sea lions, turtles and water. Dark stones. Wind. It was just myself and it was quiet and it was so beautiful. I have so many videos. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? // fuck that shit, I got so many q’s wrong on tests because of it. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. // gravity sucks. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? // onions omf 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? // the dark. and yeah. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? // I LOVE CDs. Last record I bought: paramore- after laughter (i think). 50: what's an odd thing you collect? // cineplex tickets and guitar picks. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? // my friend S- I associate her with the song “Tokyo Jellybean” by Ingrid St-Pierre. She’s one of my favourite artists. I have never told her this. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? lol cracking a cold one with the boys bc my psych always opens a pop can in the middle of this lecture (ALL THE TIME) and i just get reminded. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only heathers bc my friend showed it to me and I really liked it! 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? // my friend Y. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? // raised my voice? 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? // being completely absorbed in their work, drinking coffee and looking out the bus window, falling asleep in random places. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? // uhh i just use this song to check if my right headphone is working lol 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? // wine mom is T and vodka aunt is Y. I mean, if you meet them you’ll know. 59: what's your favorite myth? // im uneducated 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? // i like poetry- short poetry. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? // I gave cough drops / i received paperclip holders 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? // i’m a morning water person 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? // YEAH I AM. Bookshelf man. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? // black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? // no bc if I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve probably dropped you. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? // baby’s breath, blue bells, daisy. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? // I LIVE FOR THOSE DAYS 68: what's winter like where you live? // either snowy heaven or mushy hell 69: what are your favorite board games? // i’m basic, so monopoly. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? / no 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? // oolong or vanilla something.... 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? // yeah i really need to 73: what are some of your worst habits? // drop my clothes all over the bedroom floor and leave them there. 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. // a breath of fresh air 75: tell us about your pets! // i had a goldfish once but on the car ride home to my house it died. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? // STUDYING WTF AM I DOING ANSWERING A 100 QUESTION TAG 77: pink or yellow lemonade? // PINK 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? // i’m a spectator 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? // painted me fake polaroids and stuck them in a colouring book omg 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? // tan. it’s the colour of my entire house. 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. // didn’t pass engl man i can’t do this 82: are/were you good in school? // i WAS 83: what's some of your favorite album art? // rise against, fob, volbeat, ingrid st pierre, ts, bts. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? // i’ve always wanted a roman numeral tattoo but i don’t do commitment. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? // i only read peanuts and archie as a kid 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? // i only listen to pink floyd ..the wall. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? // not a movie person. can’t comment. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? // idk.... 89: are you close to your parents? // sure 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. // tokyo omg god save me 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? // the farthest i’ll get is my bed 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? // barely sprinkles a pinch 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? // up 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? // my auntie 95: what are your plans for this weekend? // this weekend is over and so is my academic career 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? // procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? // 1. don’t know, 2. scorpio, 3. ravenclaw 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? // real hike: this summer in hawaii, fake hike: w my friends downtown. I loved both times the same. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. // Exo- what if/my answer, Taylor- all too well/never grow up, Shawn: running low, Alessia: my song, Bts: sea, Pierre Luc lessard: sans combat 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? // 5 years in the future. The past 5 years have been hard.

I tag: @kabul1998, @iamnotmadamebovary

#tags

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mochabeesnuts · 7 years ago

Note

For the ting (go skkrrrrrat) thing. All of them

*yells* Da ting go skkkkrrrraaa, papakakaka Skivipipopop and a poopooturrrboom Skrra, tutukukututoom, poompoom

1. selfie

HNNNG OK UH. UGH. HRM. FINE. A;JKFG

hnnng asdfj;klad aNYWAYS

2. what would you name your future kids?

im not sure honestly, i feel like its one of those things where i have to meet them first. and honestly i dont think about it too much because i plan on adopting so chances are they’ll be old enough to already have a name. idk, im not picky about age. i feel like its going to be one of those things were i’ll just. know which kid needs me and that will be that.

3. do you miss anyone?

mm i miss my dogs at home. but i get to visit soon so!

4. what are you looking forward to?

im looking forward to january and seeing my friend. im also looking forward to next semester and getting a fresh start. also the possibility of getting a cat soon

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

heheh yeah there is

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

y.u.p. jesus fuck

7. what was your life like last year?

um. it was hard. and painful. but it was a learning experience and i think im stronger for it

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

yes

9. who did you last see in person?

uhh i saw my roomie like a half hour ago when i was walking home

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

i used to be a fucking master at it. cant tell if i miss that skill or not

11. are you listening to music right now?

yup! trying to find some new songs to listen to regularly

12. what is something you want right now?

i dont know actually

13. how do you feel right now?

i feel... mm i feel kinda peaceful. i feel like a lot of weight has been taken off of my shoulders but i still have so much on my plate. but i have a clearer mind to work on those things now so it’s a start

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

umm i got a hug from my dad on friday. if dad doesnt count then um.. hm... *squints* a long time

15. personality description

passionate. when i feel something i feel it strongly. whether its good or bad its fucking there and i almost always act on it. i dont hesitate but i try to be as considerate as possible. i try to be a people pleaser. and im also very determined. heheh, look at that i managed not to make that negative, kinda happy with that tbh.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn't?

yes, just once i think. i told someone it was ok that they were leaving me and that it was ok they were breaking my heart instead of telling them how i actually felt. i wanted to say it, but i knew that making them feel worse for it wouldnt do either of us any good. so i kept my feelings to myself.

17. opinion on insecurities.

we all have them. a lot of them. and they overwhelm even the best of us at times. whether we choose to or not we wear them on our sleeves and theyre one of the hardest things to fight against because our greatest and strongest enemy is ourselves. being your own greatest friend is fucking hard, and insecurities play a large role in that.

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

no. i dont. i was sad and lonely. i didnt feel like i belonged anywhere. but thats not true anymore, and id never want to go back to that.

19. have you ever been to New York?

nope!

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

i have a few songs that i love a lot rn but mmm i can put down the one that i relate to a lot today? Machine by misterwives is a big mood for me rn and its nice the other hella big mood and this one has been putting the biggest smile on my face is salt by bad suns

21. age and birthday?

18 about to turn 19! my bday is november 30th :D

22. description of crush.

theyre human. they work hard and theyre passionate about what they love. a complete and utter dork that gets excited and can go on an on about what they find interesting and i can honestly listen to it all day. theyre sweet and silly and creative and smart as hell. theyve been there for me through so fucking much and we’ve both hit our low points and shown darker sides of ourselves but despite that we’re both still here yknow? and that, idk that means something to me. because anyone can stick around through the bright and beautiful stuff, the easy parts. but it takes someone special to be there and still just, want to be in your life even when shit hits rock bottom.

23. fear(s)

im honestly not sure. i never really have been.. i mean.. hm. idk. spiders maybe. but lately theyve bugged me less. usually instead of freaking out if i see spiders or bugs now i just help them get outside so i dont think that counts anymore.. idk. im sure im afraid of something, everyone is. i just.. dont really know what it is. one of my friends said i may be afraid of the unknown which is possible. *Shrugs*

24. height

5 ft 9 in!

25. role model

dont really have one

26. idol(s)

nani the fuck this is the same question

27. things i hate

i HATE people that treat customer services like shit. i hate lying and i hate high school drama(tm). i also hate eggplants.

28. i'll love you if...

you be yourself

29. favourite film(s)

the chronicles of naria, httyd 1 and 2, little mermaid, anastasia, inkheart

30. favourite tv show(s)

how i met your mother, stranger things, kekkai sensen, your lie in april, brooklyn 99, firefly, voltron

31. 3 random facts

1. ive jumped off a cliff

2. jellyfish can produce asexually as well as sexually. they can clone themselves!

3. mitochondria is still the powerhouse of the cell

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

girls

33. something you want to learn

i want to learn more about marine biology, i miss it

34. most embarrassing moment

mm wasnt the most embarrassing and it was actually kinda funny but its recent-ish so.

last year in instrumental rep class we were at the concert hall and this pianist was playing for us on stage, pro and fancy from out of country and everything. and i hadnt been getting much sleep so when she started playing all this slow and pretty music i passed tf out. problem was. i was sitting in front of my entire class/all my friends. and apparently just as she finished a song i started laughing in my sleep just like a mumbly “heheheh” but it was deadass quiet so EVERYONE heard it. and when someone nudged me awake like, everyone was looking at me but i didnt know why. and i went the entire fucking class not knowing it had happened and it wasnt until after the class ended and the performer got off stage that everyone burst out laughing and told me what happened. they fucking called me chuckles for a week lmao

35. favourite subject

music, photography, english, marine biology

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

1. i want to be successful enough that i can repay my parents for everything theyve done for me

2. i want to be the composer for a big name film

3. its.. dumb but i just really want to be in a happy relationship. a real one. its probably not the best thing to want as a dream but ill be real, ive been in love with the idea of love ever since i was a kid and that never really went away, just my chances in believing it’s something that will happen in my life.

37. favourite actor/actress

hmm i probably have one but its not coming to mind

38. favourite comedian(s)

kevin hart

39. favourite sport(s)

i love watching ice skating, love participating in swimming. used to do it competitively

40. favourite memory

ahh its hard to pick one plus this feels a bit personal!

41. relationship status

single as a pringle.. which doesnt make sense because pringles come in packs but it rhymes so fight me ok

42. favourite book(s)

inkheart, chronicles of narnia, my sister’s keeper

43. favourite song ever

what’s up by 4 non blondes, also 7 layers by dotan

44. age you get mistaken for

early 20s

45. how you found out about your idol

bruh

46. what my last text message says

hnnng its “Good night, I love you mom!” sdfj;lkgsd

47. turn ons

ive answered this a few times before

48. turn offs

ive answered this a few times before

49. where i want to be right now

mmm, im happy where i am for now i think.

50. favourite picture of your idol

ffs

51. starsign

Sagittarius

52. something i'm talented at

music, photography

53. 5 things that make me happy

1. my friends

2. my plushie/soft things

3. music

4. rain

5. the fact that each new day is a chance for something new. idk why but that fact has just made me feel better a lot

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

my friends. theyre all going through a lot and i want to help but i can only do so much

55. tumblr friends

you know who you are bbs

56. favourite food(s)

this is always strangely hard for me to answer. theres an udon place back at home though that i can safely say is my fav.

57. favourite animal(s)

jellyfish, dolphins, dogs, cats, sea turtles, jorunna parva (sea bunnies), dragons

58. description of my best friend

i have a couple. both are kind and passionate as fuck. theyve been there for me through thick and thin and i wouldnt trade them for the world. theyre also going through so much fucking shit rn and i want to be there for them as much as i can

59. why i joined tumblr

because all my homestuck trash friends had one and convinced me to make one. i didnt know wtf to do on this hellsite for a solid 4 months

60. ask me anything you want

you gotta ask me anything you want my dude lmao, just pop into my inbox with whatever question you want to ask and i’ll answer it honestly

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historybee-keeper · 8 years ago

Text

blood is thicker in water // daveed x reader

summary: You want to die.

a/n: hey guys! this is my first hamilton fic, and there are some serious trigger warnings. so beware. but there is some fluff in it :) so at the end it kinda seems like a lin x reader, even though vanessa and lin are married but I guess its just that the reader and lin have been friends fro so long and are so close that they say like love you or whatever whenever they say goodbye to each other??? so yeah. forgive any mistakes, I proof-read like half of it but then I stopped cause I was really lazy.

warnings: angst, depression, suicide, very light smut, and cursing.

masterlist

word count: 4,617

Drip

Drop

Blood

Drip

Drop

Tears

Drip

Drop

Blood

Drip

Tears

Drop

Blood

Drip…

Silence.

My mother always used to say, “Blood is thicker than water,” meaning, family can be relied on better than friends. Family being the blood, and the friends being the water. In your life, family and friends mix together, just like how blood mixes with water. But in times of loyalty, the family dominates the friends, just like how blood dominates the water when mixed together, getting rid of the transparent color of the water and replacing it with a milky red hue.

But instead of the phrase “Blood is thicker than water,” I prefer the phrase, “Blood is thicker in the water.”

I’ve watched it before, the blood dominating the water. I’ve seen the blood change the color from transparent to milky red. I’ve stared at the crimson blood slowly drip down my arms and into the water-filled sink, the blood dripping in the water and spreading out like ink, feathering out in different directions.

For a girl like me, the phrase, “Blood is thicker than water,” doesn’t mean anything.

For a girl like me, the phrase, "Blood is thicker in water,” makes the most sense, because a girl like me sees it everyday.

”(Y/n)? Do we need to get up?,“ a low, hoarse voice asked beside me. I stirred, turning around to look at the face that I adored so much. I could see his eyes flutter, fighting the urge to close again. He slipped in and out of consciousness.

"Unfortunately, yes,” I sighed, my voice groggy. He groaned, rubbing his hands on his face. Lin had called for an early meeting at the theatre on our day off. Hamilton had been playing on Broadway for almost a year and it was already a huge success. I’ve been friends with Lin ever since college, even though we were two years apart. Lin and I got closer, though, platonic was all we ever were and ever will be. He met Vanessa, my sister, in high school. They went to separate colleges, so when Lin found out that I was related to her, I was the one who reconnected them.

Lin found out about my self-harm, becoming my confident throughout the rest of college. He would help me through my relapses, anxiety attacks, and depression. One day he suggested the stage as a way to express all the feelings that built up inside. I found a love for theatre, and found a love for singing that I didn’t know i had.

Ever since then, the only escape was singing my heart out or, sadly, cutting. I would cut my upper arms and the sides of my stomach, where it would be easy to conceal with a shirt. In 2007, I landed an ensemble role in Lin’s first hit, In the Heights.

It didn’t start out so bad, the cutting, but over the years it got worse. I would cut at least every other day, wanting to feel some kind of pain and let out my emotions when I wasn’t on the stage.

Now, I have the part of Maria Reynolds and Peggy Schuyler in his new success, Hamilton, and Daveed has the role of Marquis de Lafayette and Thomas Jefferson.

We first met at auditions, and instantly had strong feelings for each other, though, I was too scared to tell him. At that point in my life, my depression had already began years before.

Daveed and I became a couple, finally, after knowing each other for two years, and I started buying the most expensive and high quality, full coverage foundation or concealer to cover up my scars, sometimes buying scar-covering kits. I didn’t want him to know, to worry about me. I don’t want to be a burden for him as I am for everyone else, having to take care of me and watch my every move, not trusting what I do.

Daveed was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I didn’t want to ruin that because my mental heath went wack. I hadn’t harmed myself in two years, thanks to him though the depression was still present, but one little thing could set me off into a spiraling down again.

Daveed finally managed to keep his eyes open, smiling when he saw me. I smiled back, wondering how I met such a wonderful man. I snuggled closer in his warm chest. He put his arms around me, pulling my body closer and holding on to me like I would slip away at any moment, which, tonight, I finally would.

Ready to get up, I tried to break from Daveeds grasp. He only held on tighter to me so I couldn’t get out.

"Daveed, c'mon we have to get up or else we’ll be late,” I whined, attempting to break out.

“Nope,” he responded. I groaned, making him laugh.

“Please? I really don’t want to be late.” Daveed was silent for a couple seconds before responding.

“Fine,” he sighed. He let go of my body, slipping his arms from underneath me, kissing my forehead. We both sat up and swung our legs over to the side of the bed. Daveed stretched his arms out. I put my hands on my knees, thinking about tonight.

We were greeted by Lin when we first walked through the stage doors. He had his regular, sincere smile, beaming when he saw me.

“Mornin’ sunshines!” Lin practically shouted.

“Well someone’s had their morning coffee,” Daveed commented, seeing Lin already so full of energy despite being only seven o'clock in the morning.

“Nope. He’s always been that way. Always,” I said as I sipped the hot coffee I got on the way to the theatre. Both Lin and Daveed laughed, though Daveed’s was more of a chuckle. The coffee burned my tongue, making me wince a bit.

“So, what’s this meeting about anyway?” Daveed asked as we followed Lin to the dressing rooms.

“You’ll see,” he said.

Everyone else was already there waiting for us when we entered one of the rooms located back stage. They were all crowded around an empty table, talking to each other, all confused about why Lin had scheduled and early meeting.

“So, why did you call us all here, Lin?” Renée groaned, obviously not awake yet. A chorus of agreements erupted.

“Well,” Lin started, going into a separate room. When he can out, he held a cake box in his hands.

“It’s Thomas Jeffersons birthday!” He cheered. It was silent for a second until Oak spoke up.

“You’ve got to be kidding me Lin."

Suddenly the rooms was filled with groans and complaints, all making Lin laugh.

"I woke up at five in the morning for this?” Pippa said.

As the complaints quieted down, I spoke.

“Lin, do we really have to celebrate that asshole?” I asked motioning to the cake he had set on the table, opening it to reveal the face of Thomas Jefferson on the top.

“Why not?” Lin responded with a smile. I sighed, looking at the cake more, pursing my lips. I wasn’t much of a sweets person, but I figured that since it was my last day, I should enjoy myself still had the chance.

“What kind?”

“Red Velvet.”

“Cut me a big piece.” I demanded, making Lin raise an eyebrow. He hesitated as he cut the piece, slowly handing me the plate. I picked up a fork and the plate and sat down on the couch behind me, eating as soon as I sat down. Lin continued to handout pieces of cake, occasionally glancing at me.

Everyone began chatting, enjoying each other’s company. I had just finished eating, standing up to throw away my plate. Right when I threw my plate away, Lin stopped me.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lin whispered, looking at me with a concerned look. I put on a convincing smile, trying not to worry him and tell him of my plans, knowing that he would stop me before I got the chance to do something.

“Yeah, I’m doing okay,” I whispered back. He looked at me incredulously. I could see Daveed looking at me through the corner of my eye, confusion lining his face. Daveed knows that Lin and I have always been friends, though sometimes he thinks that I love Lin more than him.

“Did you tell Daveed yet?” He asked me. My smile dropped and I shook my head. I never told Daveed about my history with self harm, though Lin always said that I should tell him.

“You’re going to have someday."

"No, it’s possible to hide it from him forever.”

“Y/n, you and I both know that’s not possible in a relationship,” I shrugged, making Lin sigh.

“Either you tell him, or I do. And I don’t wanna have to do that.” I would hate for Daveed to find out through Lin instead of me, so I nodded.

“Okay fine, I’ll tell him tonight,” I said.

“Good,” Lin said. He began to look me up and down.

“What?”

“Are you pregnant?” My eyes went wide at his question.

“Lin, really, I’m-"

"It better be Daveed’s. Please tell me it’s Daveed’s,” He rambled. His face brightened as he gasped.

“I’m gonna be an uncle!” Lin almost yelled. I put my hand over his mouth, shushing him and turning my head around, making sure no one else heard what he said.

“Lin, Im not pregnant!” I whispered. Lin’s shoulders dropped, disappointed that I wasn’t, making me laugh.

“Then why did you ask for a big slice of cake when you don’t like cake that much?” Lin folded his arms.

“Well I didn’t really have time to eat this morning,” I shot back, making Lin chuckle.

“That’s not my fault,” Lin put up his hands in surrender.

“Mhmm,” I hummed, looking at him with my arms crossed on my chest.

“Hey, uh, Daveed’s lookin’ a bit jealous over there. You might want to go over before he thinks your cheating on him with me,” Lin said, motioning to Daveed, who was looking down at his plate and piercing it with his fork over and over again. I could see him mumbling incoherent words, making me laugh softly.

“Oo okay I talk to you later,” I said, beginning to make my way over to Daveed.

“Yup!” He called back.

I sat down next to him, who noticed my presence and stopped stabbing his cake, but didn’t look at me. I sighed.

“Daveed, look, Lin was literally my only friend in college. I was surprised he was even interested in being my friend considering that I we were two school years apart. Our relationship was been strictly platonic and it still is. You have nothing to worry about,” I said.

He looked up at me, and we stared into each other’s eyes. I smiled reassuringly as he purses his lips.

“Promise?” he asked.

“I promise?” I confirmed.

I leaned over to kiss his cheek, making him smile softly. I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and humming a soft tune.

I stayed at the theatre until noon, talking to everyone for the last time. Daveed had to leave early because of a quick session in the studios for clipping. I was one of the last people to leave the theatre.

I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my day, knowing that Daveed was at work. I planned on doing it tonight when Daveed was home, just in case I happened to change my mind.

So, I drove to my child to my childhood park, where I swung in my favorite swing, slowly moving back and forth, reminiscing on life. I thought about how I met Lin, immediately connecting with him. I remembered the time when I met Daveed, immediately falling in love with him.

I lost track of time as I remembered all the moments with the people I held so dear to me. It was already 3 by the time I left the park. I picked up some frozen yogurt on the way home, something to keep Daveed occupied tonight. Since the park was an hour away from home, it took me an hour and a half to get home, including traffic.

After my last relapse two years ago, Lin threw all of my razors away. He went through all of my drawers and bags, basically turning both my room and bathroom upside down, searching for anything I could use to harm myself. I had to stop by the store, realizing that I didn’t have any razors.

I walked into the store with my head down. Knowing the store like the back of my hand, I turned into the bath isle, where I used to get my razors all the time before Lin threw them away.

I went down the isle, stopping in front of the shavers, searching for the individual razors. I found them, seeing only one pack left.

I grabbed the pack and rushed to the checkout. Luckily in one of the lanes, there wasn’t a line, only a young girl, probably in her late teens, was waiting for the next person. I tossed the razors onto the belt and put my head down, not wanting to make eye contact with her.

As soon as she saw the razor, she looked at me, hesitant to scan the item.

I finally scanned the item as I tucked the hair that fell in front of my face behind my ear. But before she bagged it, she took out a slip of paper, writing something down.

After I paid, she handed me the piece of paper along with the pack of razors. I looked down at the paper while I started to walk, stopping when I read the words on the paper.

“Your life is worth living for :) suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255″

My eyes began to prickle with tears at her small act of kindness. I looked back at the girl, tears invading her water line too.

“H-how did you know?” I asked.

“My sister used the same razors. I never thought about the chance of her using those razors to end her life. I just assumed that she ran out of razors for her shaver, and she assured me that hey were for her shaver,” she said, a single tear falling down her cheek.

“I just want to make sure that I don’t make the same mistake again.”

I couldn’t speak. I was so stuck by her words and her worry for me.

“Please, before you do it, consider calling. Please.” She said, her voice quivering. All I could do was nod, to which she simply nodded back.

I slowly walked out of the store, still in shock from what happened.

I blasted my favorite songs the whole trip home, singing my heart out for the last time.

I pulled into the driveway, realizing that that would be my last car drive. Daveed wasn’t home yet, so I put his dessert in the freezer and sat down with mine, watching my favorite movie, The Little Mermaid.

It was nine o'clock when Daveed got home. I could her his keys from outside the door, clashing and jingling. He opened the door, greeting me. He noticed the movie, which was now The Aristocats, and the empty yogurt cup on the table.

“Y/n we haven’t even made dinner yet, why did get frozen yogurt?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“I don’t know, I guess I just wanted some.” Daveed bought it and set the groceries on top of the counter.

“Did you at least get me some?” he asked, unpacking the bags.

“It’s in the freezer,” I said, not taking my eyes off of the screen.

Once the movie ended and we ate dinner, I decided that it was time.

Daveed sat next to me on the couch, his arm around my shoulder, holding me close. I looked up at him, and he looked down at me. I thought about how I would miss him when I was gone. I reached up and kissed him, passionately, wanting our last kiss to be the best one.

As the kiss got more heated, Daveed’s hands moved up to my face, cupping my cheek and the back of my head. I got up the couch, not separated from the kiss, and sat in his lap, straddling him. He put his hands on my hips, slowly pushing up my shirt. Before he could reach up to the bumps of my scars, I pulled away, putting my hands on his, stopping his hands from traveling up further than wanted them too.

“I need to take a bath,” I said, looking into his eyes.

“Why don’t I join you?” He offered smugly, smirking as he tried to kiss me again. I leaned back, shaking my head and smiling.

“Not tonight, babe,” He stopped with the smirk and gave me a look of confusion and his brows furrowed.

“Why not?”

“I’m just not in the mood,” I said, pecking him in the cheek and getting off of him. He still sat at the couch while I walked to the kitchen to rinse my plate off.

“You owe me then!” Daveed yelled out. I didn’t laugh, didn’t smile, because I knew that that would never happen again.

I went out of the kitchen, my heart starting to race. I went to the room that Daveed and I shared for a year now and closed the door behind me. I sat on the bed and broke down. I silently sobbed, tears running down my cheek. I looked at my phone, wanting to hear Lin’s voice for the last time.

My vision was blurry from the tears as I opened up my phone and searched through my contacts. Once I found his name I pressed on it, seeing the screen change. I put the phone up to my ear. After two rings, Lin answered.

“Hey, Y/n!” He said in his usual cheerful tone. I smiled, knowing I would miss him greeting me every day with that smile that brightened my world for a moment.

“Lin,” I began, trying to find the right words. He noticed my sobs, noticed the way that my voice quivered when I said his name.

“Y/n? What’s wrong?” He spoke, his voice in a serious tone.

“Thank you, Lin.”

“For what, Y/n? What’s happening? Where are you right now? Where’s Daveed?”

I didn’t answer his questions, wanting to remember what I was going to say.

“For being my friend. For helping me through anything and everything. Thank you for believing in me, thank you for showing me the stage, thank you for introducing me to Daveed. Thank you, Lin” I rambled out, my voice filled with sobs.

“Y-you’re welcome, Y/n, but, answer my questions. Where is Daveed?”

“He’s in the living room, but Lin.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean you’re sorry, you did nothing wrong.”

“I’m sorry for being a burden that you had to take care of throughout college.”

“Y/n, you were never a burden to me. If I didn’t care about you, I would have shown it. I would have dropped you like a hot potato, but I didn’t because I do care about you. I wanted to take care of you, worry about you, laugh with you, and I especially wanted to be your friend.”

I took in his words, reconsidering my plan. I was silent, not knowing what to say next.

“Y/n?”

“Y/n. Please don’t do what I thin you’re about to do.” Lin’s voice called over the phone. I could hear his voice start to waver, and could imagine his heart racing like mine, and the tears starting to fall from his eyes.

“Y/n please, I can’t lose you. I can’t lose my best friend,” Lin’s voice was now like mine, filled with tears. I could hear the pain in his voice.

I took a deep.

“Lin?”

“Yes?” He responded immediately, wanting to know what I was going to say.

“My love, take your time,”

“No,” Lin gasped.

“I’ll see you on the other side.”

The phone dropped from Lins ear as he fully understood what she was going to do.

Going faster than he had ever gone before, Lin put on his shoes, not even bothering to get a coat, and ran out the door, leaving his phone behind.

Lin only lived four blocks down from Y/n, just in case this situation ever became a reality. He ran down the street, whizzing past people on the sidewalk. Tears streamed down his face as he ran, blaming himself for this, thinking, that if he had just paid more attention to the signs she gave throughout the day, then maybe this wouldn’t be happening. He cursed at himself, realizing that he left his phone at home, preventing him from calling 911.

Y/n paced around the bathroom, the unopened pack of razors in her hand. She knew what she was doing, though she didn’t know if she was sure about doing it. Stopping in her tracks, she shook her head and began to open the package, the razors falling onto the counter.

Y/n went over to the tub, turning the faucet on. She watched as the water slowly filled up the basin.

When the water was done filling up, she climbed in, her body still clothed.

She gripped the blade in her hand, ready to cut for the first time in two years. I quickly covered her mouth after a loud sob escaped, remembering that Daveed was home.

She held out her right arm, the blade hovering over it.

She took a deep breath and dragged the razor across her wrist, not cutting deep enough.

Slice.

Her mind went blank.

Slice.

The blood started to appear.

Y/n watched as it slowly dripped down her arm like it did two years ago. She moved to her left wrist, doing the exact same thing.

Lin continued to run down the street, his lungs on fire. He had only two more blacks left, and he wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon.

Deciding that it was time to actually do it, Y/n went back to her right wrist, cutting deep into her skin from the beginning of her wrist to her elbow. She winced in pain. She didn’t as deep as she wanted it to be, but it would get the job done.

The blood squirted out of her artery and into the tub, the blood changing the color of the water.

It reminded her of how her mother always used to say, “Blood is thicker than water,” meaning that even though the blood and water mix, just like how family and friends mix together, family will dominate the friends and be more reliable. But she preferred the phrase, “Blood is thicker in water,” seeing how the blood dominates the water and changes the color of it.

Drip

Drop

Blood.

Drip

Drop

Tears.

Drip

Blood.

Drop

Tears.

Drip…

Lin finally arrived at Y/n’s apartment, running up the stairs to her floor and knocking on the door hastily. He knocked again, when he nobody answered within the first few seconds.

The door finally opened, revealing Daveed. Lin zoomed past him and into the apartment, calling out for Y/n.

“Y/n! Where are you?” He called out.

“Lin, what the fuck?” Daveed said, confused.

Lin ignored Daveed, searching for her.

“Lin she’s in the bathroom taking a bath. Why do you need her?” Lin gasped, cursing himself for not thinking of the first. He ran out of the kitchen and began to walk towards the bathroom, Daveed stopping him on his way there.

“What the hell is going on, Lin?!” He shouted.

“Y/n’s gonna kill herself!” Lin shouted back. Daveed’s breath hitched as he let go of Lins arm, a million thoughts running through his head. Lin then ran to the bathroom, Daveed following close behind.

I was about to slit my wrist when I heard a sharp knock on the door. I whipped her head around, startled.

“Y/n?!” The sound of Lines voice echoed through my mind, the tears coming even faster now. Another loud sob escaped, confirming my presence in the room.

“Y/n, open the door!” Lin demanded. His voice sounded just like it had been on the phone, filled with pain.

I mustered up her voice and spoke, “No, I-I can’t,” I struggled to say. Lin began to jiggle the door knob, which I had locked when she first stepped foot into the bathroom.

I looked at her wrist again an started to make the second, long cut from my wrist to her elbow. I went slower this time, wanting to feel the pain more.

“Y/n, please stop what you’re doing and open the damn door!” Lin yelled, starting to sound hopeless.

“No, Lin, I’m oka- AH!” I yelled out, wincing mid sentence. Pain seared through my body as the blade cut deep into my skin, pain that I’ve wanted to feel for a very long time now.

I just finished opening your left arm when the door swung open, both Lin and Daveed appearing.

We both made eye contact at each other, Lin and I, while Daveed’s eyes widened in horror.

“Oh my god,” Daveed said, standing there in shock while Lin rushed over to me. Before Lin could reach me, I cut her thighs the same way I did on her right wrist: not deep enough but deep enough to get the job done.

I looked up and smiled at Lin, knowing that in a few minutes, everything would be over.

Lin came over and put his arms around me, trying to pick me up out of the tub. With all the strength that I had left in me, I squirmed, trying to fight back. I hadn’t notice that the razor was still in my grasp until I accidentally sliced Lins arm. He pulled away and groaned in pain, clutching his arm. I stared at him, mortified at what I had done.

I hurt him.

I hurt him. I hurt my best friend, the one who was always there for me, the one who would be my friend when others would not. How could I?

He looked at me, somehow hearing my thoughts.

“Wait, Y/n, look, see? I’m okay!”

“No, no, no, no, no, no!” I said, my world crashing down. I pressed the skin surrounding the cut, desperate to get more blood out. I started to go tired, my vision blurring. My knees began to buckle as my breath became more and more belated, slowing down with each breath. I fell, but this time in the arms of Daveed. His arms enveloped mine, placing my body down gently on the floor.

Daveed gripped my wrists, desperate to not let a drop of blood escape. Lin kneeled down next to me with his head in his hands, knowing that there would be nothing left to do to same me.

I looked at Lin and cupped his head. He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. Everything became a blur in that moment. Daveed ran out of the bathroom, rushing around to find his phone, still believing that I could be saved. Lin still sat by me, now cupping my head.

Noticing that my last few breaths were coming up, he smiled at he, and then leaned down, kissing my forehead.

“I see you when I get there, my love,” Lin said calmly, no tears or pain to be found.

“I’ll be waiting patiently, Lin-Manuel Miranda,” I said, finally letting go as I closed my eyes, the world became black, and the sounds becoming inaudible.

#hamilton angst #hamilton imagines #hamilton one shot #daveed x reader #daveed imagine #sorta lin x reader???#lin x reader

72 notes · View notes

lilietsblog · 8 years ago

Text

I beat Starbound yesterday night

like, okay, this is not a game you just 'win' and that's it. The main quest is just one thing you get to do alongside tech tree progression, and there is a thousand things to do that open up alongside this progression, and with the latest update there is a whole new tech tree for the mechs to pursue

I did not expect much from finishing the 'main quest' it was just kinda the next thing to do and then get on with all the other goals I had in mind (upgrading my mech, the bunch of stuff for my colony, making a cool interior for my ship)

like seriously, I thought, what is this quest even building up to? There's no way it won't be silly and underwhelming

I'm not spoiling I'm just saying I was wrong it wasn't

okay maybe if the mc was allowed to have personality + relationships beyond like, the way they stand and the pre-programmed people deciding fully on their own to join the mission regardless of what you actually do, it could have been even more poignant and fantastic

but like wow I almost don't feel like going back to the rest of my stuff to do now cause I've... won. I'm done, that's it, there is nothing I can do in this game that will top what just happened

it feels like gameplay should change more after what happened. Not just a 'special reward' with a lot of money and other sweet stuff (bitch I have this much money saved up already and the only reason it's not more is because I keep spending it). There should be a fundamental change somewhere, the world opening up in some way, getting to do something you didn't get to do before

there should be specifically 'postgame' content and not just 'lategame' content you could enjoy in the same way forever without actually ever finishing the main quest

this HOLY SHIT WHAT JUST HAPPENED thing must have some effect on the rest of the universe

like, I knew it wouldn't and I didn't expect it to... and now I feel like it should have coz. holy fuck. that was EPIC

okay i want to not spoil coz EXPERIENCE IT FOR YOURSELVES GUYS but i just want to gush about it so much so im just? going to put this under the cut?

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR STARBOUND MAIN QUEST. IF YOU THINK IT'S NOT SPOILER WORTHY YOU ARE WRONG GO BEAT IT YOURSELF AND THEN COME BACK ONCE YOU HAVE

okay so first of all why don't Novakid have a key? this feels like it should be more of a big deal, like what if my protagonist were a Novakid? they should have at least mentioned that oh yeah there's also Novakid but they weren't around back then or something

second of all holy shit from the beginning of the quest I was wondering, like okay we're going to unlock the gate and??? what then??? you go in to fistfight the fucking Ruin??? the tentacle monster that even the god creator could only lock away and that started out with destroying Earth???

like, okay, we get the keys. yeah. AND THEN WHAT

I thought the game would underplay the size of the Ruin, make it kinda underwhelming and make me question how this thing managed to destroy Earth and be so epic if one person can actually fight it

like okay I've also fought an avatar of Kluex but 1) it MIGHT have just been an automaton and 2) it's an AVATAR. avatars are beatable. its a different class of thing altogether

boy was I wrong. boy did I fucking UNDERESTIMATE the size of the Ruin (and also the developers of the game. holy shit. all the kudos)

it'S A FUCKING PLANET

like you just go through the gate and find yourself on this??? planet??? with instructions to 'destroy the Ruin' and your matter manipulator working unexpectedly unlike all the other missions

just. fistfight the planet. somehow. good luck

it was actually pretty intuitive what to do next? like. it just felt obvious that I would get nothing done on the surface and that the most likely thing to do is dig in. I've got the matter manipulator, it's my magic tool that the Protector left to humanity, LET'S GO FUCK UP A BITCH

and it kind of makes sense that one person can succeed where a deity couldn't. precisely because you're so fucking tiny you're basically beneath notice and you can fuck this thing up from the inside without it being able to do shit about it

also, it's not awake yet. it destroyed Earth by just kinda jerking in its sleep

when something's on that scale, it's pretty understandable that a human-sized person with an environment backpack that lets them survive ANYWHERE short of actual fucking lava would actually be a pretty appropriate opponent

and let's be honest, this was a suicide mission from the beginning. like I don't know what Esther expected to happen when you successfully beat the Ruin but it was kinda obvious that the microbe that caused it would be the first casualty

I also expected it to not be a big deal cause you die and you respawn? the one escort mission I managed to fail (protip: never agree to an escort mission across volcanic lava-filled terrain. or if you do, fill in the lava with earth. dont trust the NPC's ability to not fall in it and burn to death) right the one escort mission I managed to fail told me to not worry cause they probably respawned somewhere safe

and the ship crew gives comments like 'what was I doing before I died?' and 'I feel like I didn't respawn properly' and you just get the impression that respawning after death is a Thing in this unvierse and the only cause to worry is if the mechanism that was supposed to respawn you was destroyed (which is exactly what happened on Earth. like it was supposed to be a... safe place. that's the horror of it)

seriously you beat the Ruin and Esther is like... oh nO... WHAT IS HAPPENING.. iT Is.. unSTABLE??? I dunno bitch what did you think we were trying to do

the odds of it not exploding after being killed from the inside (or imploding, or flooding everything with deadly poison, or burning up, or getting flushed into Death Dismension, or any of the other number of thing that might happen wnen you're in the middle of the body of an eldritch abomination and have just killed it) were like... 1 in a 1 000 000

what did you EXPECT

when you're going down it's so fucking... eerie. there are those things living INSIDE the Ruin. they are freaky and are they alive? do they count as part of its organism or as independent beings? is there even a meaningful distinction on this scale or is it like the white cells in your blood

and then there is the pit, and the AI helpfully warns you to not fall into it and just. oh my fuck. thanks dude I would never have thought of this on my own. the Unhelpful AI is the best thing about this game honestly

and you keep going down and down and its genuinely creepy like whats down there? what are you going down towards? FUCK KNOWS

and then the environment changes and there is this brain matter stuff? and you can't break it like you just can't break it, the matter manipulator doesn't work like that it's not the matter manipulator block from everywhere that has a visual clue of small squares, it starts breaking the brain and it just. can't. whatever it is you're going to try to do with this thing's brain, destroying it with the matter manipulator is not it. it's just not strong enough

and then you get a path inside it and there are standard gate-and-radar mechanisms of boss fight and it's just so silly that those would be inside there but on the other hand reality doesn't really hold up in the face of this thing anyway so might as well

and then you face the Cultists Boss and its honestly so. anticlimactic after all the buildup she had. maybe its just extensive preparation with many buffs i had going (bitch i just fought your entire army and a dragon) but i beat her in like. three cycles. the mechanics and weaknesses were the same as in the first fight in the library and it didnt even feel like i had to try hard

and it was kinda appropriate? like bitch what do you think you're doing. get out of the way i'm trying to save the universe there. THIS THING'S FIRST ACTION WAS DESTROYING EARTH HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET THE IDEA IT FAVORED HUMANS

(true to life. racial supremacists aren't known for their firm grip on reality)

and then it's this thing's... heart? inside its brain? well it's just a convenient term anyway. either way it's the spark of un-life that drives the entire thing and GOOD LUCK YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN

and I just... look. I had freaked out about the army and the dragon because the first time I fought them I quickly ran out of my 13 nanobandages and died

so for the second time I crafted 160 of them

(also I had a Damage III augment on my EPP and really, really cool weapons newly bought in Glitch settlements, so I mowed down mooks by just pistol-machine-gunning-them for a couple of seconds, it was actually kinda freaky how effective I was at damage dealing)

I also died against the Ruin once because augghhhh having the nanobandages on the left click and the medicine kits that heal you slowly over time AND BLOCK NANOBANDAGES FROM WORKING IMMEDIATELY on the right click WAS A BAD IDEA

after respawning i just straight up removed the medicine kits from the quick access. not gonna trip myself up like that the second time

and it was? really freaky but not that hard once I figured it out? like okay actually pretty fucking hard but not like. COMPLICATED. just counterintuitive

like, if the boss always hits the same area with an EYE LASER attack, the logical thing to do is stay out of there, right?

but no. out of there are the tentacles, and they sometimes move without warning and hurt you. while the eye laser attack comes with pretty obvious buildup

and more importantly: the eye laser attack takes like half of your HP. but it KILLS DEAD all the smaller creatures that were harassing you

like oh god this is so appropriate? this un-creature summons living things both from its own body and from across the universe to attack you, but then when it goes on the offensive itself it just destroys them all

it's self-destructive. you can goad it into solving your problems for you because it's NOT SENTIENT. it's a thing more than it is a creature. its goal is to destroy life but its semi-living so it destroys itself

so you just. stay in the eye laser zone, jump, hit it with your swords, ignore the swarm of minions attacking you (well more like hit them with the swords along the way. thats why I prefer weapons with lower damage but quicker attack), and keep an eye on your HP. once its around half, 6 + left click several times until it works + 1 to go back to the swords

also during the eye laser attack it's also a good idea to do the same thing. then you can come out of it with full HP... and no creatures attacking you like bitch thanks for solving my problems

you just have to... keep doing it. its scary. your life is going down really fast and there is no way to kill all the creatures attacking you because it keeps spawning them and there's no safe zone because tentacles

but you just keep going, keep healing yourself, keep tanking the eye laser attack and using it as just another opportunity to jump up and deal damage

and it'll... break. it's not going to regenerate itself the way Big Ape does. it'll just die and that will be it. you'll have won. well okay you're going to die too but THE VICTORY WILL BE YOURS

(and then there's that scene. that scene. that one. it's so good you guys. even my bewilderment at sudden story gameplay separation didn't make it any less freaking epic)

really, the only letdown is that there should have been SOMETHING changing at the Outpost. Maybe this would be a better moment for the Treasured Trophies to appear. Maybe some other shop opening. Maybe a portal to a new peaceful/trading zone entirely.

there should be SOMETHING there

#starbound #consider: the perfect armor actually being the best armor in the game #but treasured trophies only appearing once you've beaten the ruin #so the tech progression remains straightforward #video games #aaah i love starbound so much #liliet plays starbound

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sehunsgirl · 7 years ago

Note

1-102 :))))

question: why you like that. ok i’ll answer the ones i haven’t.

1. what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

Melanie Martinez’s Pity Party

2. did you have a memorable childhood pet?

i used to have a cat named Xiggy ( nickname for Xigbar. and yes the one from Kingdom Hearts LMFAO ) he was a stray who i got attached to and my mom got him all fixed up and tested and i kept him for a few yrs but he ran away HAHA

9. which came first the chicken or the egg?

i hate this question that i refuse to answer.

10. are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

i am. i’m not straight. and...absolutely? haha.

11. how many siblings do you have?

i have only half siblings. 5 of them.

12. have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

since i’m not sure i’ve ever even been in love in the first place: probably not.

13. are you a good cook?

i forgot i was boiling water and burnt it just a few days ago. hope that answer this question!

14. what is your favorite tv show?

don’t have one! but i watch the Discovery ID channel every day lol

15. what is the last movie you cried during?

uh actually idek. pretty sure it was Mulan though LMAO ( i went on a disney movie binge )

16. what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

She’s Dreaming , Skyscraper , What If... , Time Lapse, and Wild Horses [ just a FEW ]

17. do you have a middle name?

it’s Monique.

18. have you been out of your country?

not yet! but i wanna!

19. are you a chocolate fan or not?

meh, not really. only every now and then do i eat it.

24. what is your favorite flower?

pink roses!!!

30. do you have neat handwriting?

lmao NO. my handwriting still looks like it did in high school bc i rarely hand write anything anymore.

31. do you have a friend with benefits?

currently: DIFFICULT question pass!

32. do you want a friend with benefits?

actually. . been thinkin bout that but iduno!

33. if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

Nothing.

34. have you ever been blackout drunk?

kinda. i hate getting blackout drunk if i am being honest. i know my own drinking limits, so i try not letting myself get to that point but i have been drunk to the point of falling asleep on my bathroom floor and waking up confused 😪

35. have you ever met someone famous?

like officially? No.

36. how many concerts have you been to?

five? ya five i think.

37. which concerts have you been to?

back in middle school i went to some papa roach / buckcherry / other artists with my step sister. i’ve also been to KCON NY twice and EXO’LuXion and EXO’rDIUM

39. what do you do when you’re stressed?

either cry or do something to act like i aint stressed until it boils over and then im back to crying

40. do you think money can buy love?

no, but some people think it can. all the power to u if that’s what it takes for u to love someone ig

41. how old would you date?

like my age range in who i would date? tbh i’m not someone who really looks at age. you can connect with anyone, no matter what. though my cap is under 18 or over 40

42. have you ever done something illegal?

who knows

44. what is an unusual fear you have?

don’t think any of my fears are pretty unusual tbh

45. can you drive?

yes

46. do you believe in supernatural creatures?

absolutely. we aren’t the only creatures in the world. us, being humans.

47. do you believe in karma?

yup. what comes around goes around as justin timberlake said in the early 2000s

48. what is one quality you need in your partner?

honesty.

49. do looks matter?

trust me, they do not.

50. does size matter?

again, trust me, they do not.

51. who is the last person you forgave?

that is something i will keep to myself.

52. what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

butter pecan.

53. what languages can you speak besides english?

none fluently, sadly.

54. ever been on a plane?

yes.

55. ever been on a boat?

yes.

56. is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

honestly....yes.

57. are there any friendships you regret?

sadly, yes.

58. are there any friendships you wish you could make?

yup.

59. have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

uhm... more often than not, i kinda do LOL but ya

60. have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

yes.

61. have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

believe it or not: yes!

62. are you scared of rollercoasters?

eh so-so

63. on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

1000

64. do you have any plans this weekend?

i have an all day photoshoot planned tomorrow.

65. do you miss anyone right now?

i miss A.

66. who do you wish you were talking to right now?

67. if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

cloning.

68. who is your favorite superhero?

don’t have one.

69. are you dirty minded?

... yeahhh hahah most times, also i see why you asked this since it’s the 69th question smh

70. what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

jesus. ... 80s: Darling Nikki ( by Prince ) 90s: My Little Secret early 2000s: Say My Name

71. how many kids, if any, do you want?

maybe one or two

72. who is your biggest OTP?

let’s not ( its sebaek & baeksoo )

73. what is your favorite food?

chicken and dumplings!

74. do you want to be married one day?

i doubt anyone would wanna marry me but ya

75. dogs or cats?

i like both

76. do you drink enough water daily?

not really but i’ve been doing better with this

77. have you ever seen a shooting star?

no! :(

78. if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

no lmao

79. how many best friends do you have?

two.

80. when was the last time you cried?

earlier but that’s because i was scared and not feeling okay

81. have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

yes omg the memory is so vivid lmfao

82. have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

yes HAHAH

83. if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Estonia, Seoul, Tokyo, Netherlands

84. what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

annoying, tender, lavender.

85. do you consider yourself a loyal person?

absolutely.

86. what is your favorite season and why?

autumn because its not super cold or super hot even though there are super hot or cold days. it’s a nice in between.

87. have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

no. absolutely not. if i say it i mean it.

88. do you know how to play any instruments?

no Heh

89. do like like falling asleep to music or not?

it really depends on my mood when i’m going to sleep.

91. have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

No. because if i do that , that means they’d have to be me in return, right? i wouldn’t subject anyone to that. i’m in pain 24/7

92. if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

no cause they always goin through dramatic shit and i’d rather not.

93. if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

Sehun, deadass. he seems like he’s a chill and cool friend!

94. are you outgoing?

meh not really?

95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

yes :/

96. are you a good flirt?

no i suck at it and don’t really purposely flirt lol

97. have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

both. though i’ve been turned down more than i’ve had to turn anyone down.

98. which planet is your favorite?

Venus.

99. are you superstitious?

very. i tend to get on peoples nerves LMAO

100. are you a good listener?

Yes.

101. are you a good kisser

i’d like to think im okay?

#reply #i hate you for this #it took forever LOL #se7un

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subjectsilver · 7 years ago

Text

5:05 AM on July 23rd

i absoTonight someone got stabbed over a god damn jul pod.

but lets back up

I have been at school for a week.

I needed to get out of columbus... just like old times there was just nothing left for me there i was just killing myself because of how summer went and how i am and shit whatever. it'll be nice to temporarily go back in the winter and spring and even next summer and i can't wait until then but for now i need to not be there. I need school i need distractions i need people - i need people who are my friends but I'm not too close with - distractions are all i need right now so i don't hurt myself.

I came back to Wake and literally the first day i was here i heard 1-800-273-8255 - Logic 3 times by three separate people. Thats a fucking sign if i know it...ive never really heard that song until like that day and now i listen to it every single day...

Everyday i wake up and have running or lifting and i do that in the morning then i just sit and do nothing until playing pick up soccer at night which is kinda shitty bc fuck boredom and fuck routine but its a distraction none the less so its alright with me...

Im destroying my bank account because i have no meal plan so i eat out everyday which is like 10$ a meal cus life is expensive... but at least I'm eating i mean I'm still underweight sitting around 140lbs but I'm not getting any lighter. Tbh i was kind of getting comfortable being skinny because i love the way my baggy t shirts that are too big for me, fall on me when I'm underweight but i know inside i need to get my weight up to be healthy and like sane. but ill get there..i hope - eating as much as i can in hopes to gain weight anyway.

I knew i was forgetting something when i left - well i forgot a lot but least of all i forgot my contact case so i was sleeping in my contacts for like 5 straight days and that shit killed my eyes but i finally got a case so last night was the first time i slept without them and if i sleep tonight it'll feel good as well.

I'm trying to think about what happened this week but nothing really happens during summer school it kinda sucks. I met all the freshman guys and girls and they all seem pretty cool I've been chilling outside with them every night when were done with pick up and shit because i have nothing better to do and i like hearing conversation hearing them all talk and reading all of them. Half of them think I'm crazy because i only sleep like 4 hours a night and because my teammates tell them the stories that are my snapchat stories this summer. It is what it is ya know.

SIDENOTE andre keels is currently telling me about how he went on a date with this girl and he's low-key geeking out and its pretty funny, I'm happy for him he deserves the high that follows being low - i hope i get that eventually.

I had a really low night a couple nights ago where i just sat outside listened to jcole and smoked cigarettes by myself but i got thru it.. it just seems like when I'm doing absolutely nothing my mind takes over and i think about all the things that bother me with life or just life itself. its kinda shitty because it seems like when I'm not distracted its like a struggle to keep living like i don't understand the point of living or being alive or life in general so it confuses me why I'm here but i try not to think about it.

I thought i was a going to quit cigarettes but i literally need them not because I'm addicted but bc its something to do when I'm alone at night by myself... and i should prob get a jul pod or some shit but its so expensive and niggas are getting stabbed over it now and I'm just not about that lmao ........ I'm dying on my own terms if anything.

im not on social media really anymore. i check it every once in a while but very rarely except like writing weekly shit like i am rn or on snapchat. i guess like 5 albums came out or something and i had absolutely no idea. it's alright tho other people fill me in eventually I'm currently listening to tyler the creators new album. Its a lot better than i expected tbh.

“5 car garage....full tank of gass but that don't mean nothing nothing nothing without u in the passenger”

took a little break to smoke a cig - I'm kinda nice at it now and hitting juuls tbh despite my efforts and much coughing in the past I'm finally getting nice. with my luck ill probably get cancer or some shit but thats alright i guess (kanye hands)

anyways down to business aka the most excitement of this week SOMEONE GOT STABBED OVER A FUCKING JUUL POD

thats fucking lit and crazy and so disappointing of humanity but at the same time the greatest thing thats ever happened ever...

actually 2 people got stabbed but one kid got sliced in the finger so like that doesn't even count but the email i got said 2 people stabbed soon i mean i don't make the rules. I was chilling right i played like 2 games of pong and won both (ayeeeee) then i walked into this house and was staring out of a window i actually took a pic but this fight broke out and i turned around and everyone started leaving under the assumption cops would come... so i walked outside and i was trying to account for everyone that was there because DAD FOLDS came out and i was counting everyone and i thought i had it correct but this kid was like where is abby i think she's dead inside like passed out drunk soon despite hearing sirens i ran back inside and checked the house to find that she was not there which was good so i ran outside and started running with this kid named Sam.. so me and sammy for running through yards and bushes and shit but my shoe got caught in a bush (fuck me right) “sam go on without me live on bruv” so sam started running away... i finally got unstuck and i saw like 3 cops chasing sam so i ran the other direction around this building and on the other side i saw 4 cop cars so immediately i dipped into these bushes where i hit my face on a brick wall and copped a gnarly scratch that will not scar which is disappointing... (incase u were wondering go had a black t shirt on and not the usual white so my shit was not stained or anything thank god) so i was laying there for a good 10 seconds and i got on snapchat and scrolled thru the stories for a brief moment when i heard “sir we saw you jump in the bushes please come out” i was like fuckkkk mee so i got out with my hands up cus a nigga not trynna end up like trayvon and i backed up slowly and got handcuffed and then they patted me down found my wallet, luckily found my real ID and then put me in the car... i wait there for a little and scrolled thru snapchat behind my back and then they pulled me out and questioned me. I just claimed ignorance bc i actually didn't really know shit at all... my only lie was that i didn't know the only guy i was running with. Then they just let me go. They asked me why i was running if i didn't do anything and i was like “i wasn't trynna get stabbed and also cops these days shoot black people so i wasn't trying to be shot either” and at some point this cop was like do you have an accent where are u from and i was like uhhhh ohio? but they let me go and i walked back to campus and i saw all these freshman outside and i was like ooo go to bed y'all and we all went to bed.... then i laid there for like 2 hours before going back outside...talked to some people for a while who were out there and then skrrttted off to smoke and music and write..

present time - its 5:48 AM and someone got stabbed over a juulie like 6 hours ago thats wild....................

tomorrow or today technically I'm going to play beer die (a drinking game) [google that shit] at like 3 and then go to a team cook out and chill. should be alright.

this tyler the creator album is actually kinda nice - i actually did find some nice songs on soundcloud tho today i found a really nice piano piece that kinda calms me down in the beginning then slowly gives me anxiety... I've had a lot of anxiety lately

it seems like I'm feeling so much shit now as opposed to being numb and feeling just so dead and all the feeling at once just scares the shit out of me or makes me heart want to explode but its kinda nice to feel shit sometimes... i still have moments days where i feel absolutely nothing but it is what it is...it can't all get better at one time... I've just noticed tho that like everything use to seem weird to me like literally “this is so weird” always went thru my mind but now EVERYTHING is so scary to me like even if I'm not paying attention and someone speaks to me and the sound catches me off guard it makes me jump. its weird - haha

its getting light outside i know i need to sleep because I'm trying to get 8 hours a night even tho it doesn't always happen but I'm trying. last night i laid awake for 2 hours thinking about magic tricks. card tricks that i will eventually try on people...i created my own card tricks in my head... i have zero decks of cards rn tho which is so rare for me never really happens.

anyways - another update will come next sunday and hopefully by then i get stabbed over a juul pod by then.

6:00 AM I FUCKING HATE BUTTERFLIES.

i love you good morning.

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